Coaching Corner: Finding Your Silent Night

It may seem strange in the last week before Christmas to write a blog post on silence. Despite the suggestion of the popular Christmas song “Silent Night,” the holiday season is anything but quite. There are relatives coming into town, Christmas music blaring in the shopping malls, horns honking, bells ringing—all of these things, however pleasant some might be, can be overwhelming.
We live in a culture where if you wanted to completely avoid silence, you would not be hard pressed. We wake up to an alarm, listen to the news while getting ready for the day, listen to traffic on the way to work, talk all day, listen in meetings, listen to work time radio. We then get in our cars and listen to traffic on the way home, listen to music while exercising, watch TV at night and then fall asleep. Does this sound familiar?
Silence is what introduces us to ourselves. It is where we learn what is important to us, what we want to achieve and how, what is acceptable to us and what is not. Silence can comfort us, but it can also challenge us. It shows us where we can improve; It shows us what needs to change, but it can also give us hope that we can do it!

The unexamined life is not worth living –Socrates

Do you ever feel as though you are living a life of reaction and not action? This is what can happen when we plug through life, jumping from one interaction to another and not stepping back and examining what is going on. Silence brings mindfulness, and mindfulness is the key to success in healthy living.
Here are some tips for adding silence into your life during the holidays:

• If the stress and energy of having a house full of people is overwhelming take a 3 minuet time out. Go to your room, bathroom or closet—somewhere you can close the door on all that is going on around you—set a timer and breathe deep. Use this as a time to reset your energy button. Seek out the source of stress and visualize yourself positivity handling the situation. Take a moment to get back to a place of action.


• Set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier than normal and use this as “me” time. Spend those 15 minutes in silence, meditation or prayer. Get your morning off to a good start by allowing yourself to wake up to a new day and not hit the ground running. Whether you set the alarm for 7:15 or 7:30, the process of waking up is the same; push through the temptation to hit the alarm and reward yourself with a low stress morning.


• Offer to get coffees or newspaper in the morning. Use this as an excuse to get out in the morning. Drive in silence and allow the day to unfold before you. Beginning the day with purposeful action is a great way to start the day.


• Go for a solo thermal walk. Sometimes getting out of the house is enough to clear the head and put you in a better place. Although it is cold and snowy this time of year, try your best to get outside. Bundle up and stick it out, the cool air can wake you right up!


• Make a gratitude list and reflect on it throughout day. Expressing gratitude for the things around us allows us to open up to the world and the good things that fill our lives. Reflecting on these things throughout the day can bring peace and enjoyment to our lives and allows us to be present in each moment.

Gratitude is noticing the extraordinary in the ordinary, and then taking the nanosecond to feel it. - Karen Krakower Kaplan

What are some things that you do during this busy season to bring some silence or peace into your life?

Your Magic Cape

Do you ever feel like you are wearing this magical cape that allows you to take on more responsibility than should be humanly possible?  You’re making dinner for the kids, finishing your 7^th load of laundry, writing your grocery list, preparing a gift basket for your friend’s wedding, and when all that’s done, it’s bath time, bedtime, downtime with your wife or hubby and finally you have to prepare for the next day… whew!

Sometimes we demand more of ourselves than we should.  This can lead to functioning on overdrive, which eventually burns you out.  It can also lead to resentment for the mere feeling that no one cares about our overwhelming responsibility.  Just like we have to practice a sport, playing an instrument or learning a new language, we must also practice asking for help.  Why is that so hard for some of us?

• Do you struggle with feeling it should be under your umbrella of responsibility? 


• Do you feel it won’t get done “right” if you don’t do it yourself?


• Do you underestimate the responsibilities on your shoulders and how much time they account for?


• Do you do so much “doing” for others because that is the main way you show love?

Asking for what we want or need is a skill that takes practice.  You can start with something small, like asking for a glass of water.  That’s not an outrageous request, right?  When we struggle with this skill, we also tend to struggle with feeling guilty when we can’t take care of something (whether it is big or small). 

You’re goal today is to practice asking for something you need or want.  And then… don’t feel guilty about it.  Practice makes perfect… well, almost. :-)

Self Care

Time and time again, you may have been told, “you’ve got to take care of yourself.”  Your answer is probably usually the same as mine, “I know, I know.”  You probably do know, but if you are not doing it, why not?  Sometimes it takes a major life event to make us realize what everyone is saying is true – you can’t be the best – Mom, boss, co-worker, friend, spouse (fill in the blank) – if you don’t take care of yourself. 

You have to be balanced in all aspects of wellness – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  I often find myself targeting one of these areas only, forgetting about the rest of the picture.  I recently discovered a nice resource that gave some examples of how you can work toward this balance with examples of how to nurture yourself in each area.  I’ve listed some of my favorites here – go to The Innerwords Messenger  to see the full list.

Mother's Day Reflections

A special Mother's Day post from Jessica Lynn, the proud mother of a beautiful newly born girl.

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful Mama's out there!  On this day my thoughts are filled with wonderful memories I share with my Mother.  I reflect on the compassion, empathy, humor, support, advice and above all the unconditional love my mother has for me.  But in the past couple of years, my view of this special day now encompasses a whole new set of feelings, now that I am a mother of two little girls - Hala is two years old, and Jada just 6 weeks.  Now, I think about what kind of mother I want to be for my girls, and seek to ground myself on what's most important.   I want to infuse a healthy lifestyle into my children's up bringing.  Having fruit as a family snack, planning fun activities that are just that - active -, establishing effective communication skills... all these things are important to living an overall healthy life.  The more I think about what I want for my girls, the clearer it becomes that I have to want and do these things for myself as well - that is the best way to ensure my daughters a healthy life.  I have to remind myself that my habits and actions are very important in establishing healthy habits and actions in my children.

With everything that comes with being a mom, it can be hard not to lose your sense of self.  Children are so dependent on you for so many things, they become first priority.  And even when your children are grown, you never really outgrow the need for Mom.  It can be a real challenge to justify doing something for yourself every once in awhile.  Maybe that's why this day was made - to give mothers the chance to be first priority for a change.  So Mothers, today, don't be too humble, don't think you don't deserve it... be in the moment, open your heart and mind to what a huge impact you make on the lives of those around you, and soak it all in.  Because you deserve it.  Now take this moment of joy, pride, love... whatever you are feeling, and promise yourself that you will make yourself a priority more than just this one day this year.  I promise those around you will also be grateful.

Happy Mother's Day, today and each day after!