The Invisible Kindness Challenge

A friend recently posted the attached YouTube video on her Facebook page. Besides making me happy and filling me with joy, the video got me thinking. What do I do to enhance other’s lives without the need for any recognition or validation? How do I express my love and support for others with no need for reciprocation?

These are important questions to ask ourselves because their answer indicates how well we feed our spirit. Unrecognized gestures of kindness and good are really the demonstrative quality in the expression of personal gratitude. When we do, give, or support others for no other reason than we can, or the opportunity has presented itself, then our truest nature as unconditionally loving beings becomes nurtured. That true nature, and its twin gratitude, is the sustenance of our souls.

If you don’t believe me, or have no idea what I’m talking about, then take the Invisible Kindness Challenge. Here is how it works:

Step 1: On a scale from 1-5, with 1 being equal to little and 5 being equal to a great deal, rate the following

• Your level of overall serenity today


• Your level of overall happiness today


• Your present feelings of gratitude

Step 2: Commit to doing one random act of kindness every day for seven consecutive days. Each act must be done anonymously and must differ from kind gestures you’ve done frequently in the past. The gesture can be small or grandiose in nature. It’s up to you, and the benefits won’t change with the degree of generosity.

Step 3: Repeat step one on the eighth day.

I can guarantee you that the simple act of giving and supporting others just once a day for a week will increase your overall serenity, happiness, and gratitude…the seat of your soul. Are you ready to take the challenge?

Lesson’s Learned: Love and Behavior

Five years ago, this month, my Grandmother passed away.  That night, in her home of more than 50 years, she was surrounded by her entire family – husband, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, singing one of her favorite hymns as she took her last breath.  She has always been the rock of our family.  Hard-working and extremely well prepared and organized, she also had a contagious laugh that would sweep the entire room.  She would purchase next year’s Christmas gifts during the post-holiday sales, wrap and tag them, and by the following year, forget what she had gotten everyone. She would always joke that she did it that way so she could be surprised too. 

And, she had a love language that spoke volumes to me.  She had 3 daughters – for my mother, she would pick us up every day from school and keep us until Mom got home from work.  For her eldest daughter that worked in our school kitchen, she would volunteer her time every morning to prepare and serve the school lunch, because the school could not afford to pay another worker to help my Aunt.  For her youngest daughter, who had 3 small children of her own, my Grandmother would drive across town each week to clean her house and finish numerous loads of laundry.  As I grew up, I admired my Grandmother for many things, but most of all it was for her love.  I valued the relationship she and my Grandfather had, so much that it’s what I’ve always dreamed to have for myself in a relationship. 

Now that I have 3 children of my own, I’m beginning to notice some patterns and practices that seem very familiar to me.  Bottom line, it all relates to the language of Love.  You may have heard of Gary Chapman’s book:  The 5 Love Languages.  (I know, you probably just checked your browser to make sure you were reading the right blog – you’re still on H3Daily… just trust me, it will come full circle on how this relates to health J…)  As described in the book, the 5 Love Languages are as follows: 

1. Words of Affirmation


2. Quality Time


3. Receiving Gifts


4. Acts of Service


5. Physical Touch

Clearly, my Grandmother’s love language was acts of service, which I certainly gravitate more to myself.  I’ve noticed my oldest daughter, Hala, seems to respond more to quality time and physical touch.  If I consciously take the time to engage in a specific activity with her, her behavior is much better.  I am naturally better at showing my love through acts of service, and I have to work harder on showing through physical touch or even words of affirmation. 

The way we demonstrate love for others, as well as our perception of how others love us can have a large impact on our behavior.  If we do not feel love from those closest to us, it can impact our self esteem or even lead to depression, which in turn may impact our weight.  If your focus on diet and exercise has not lead to success, what are you missing?  Take this assessment to learn what your Love Language is, what words or actions make you feel less loved, and how others might be expressing a love that you aren’t recognizing.  Discover the impact this has on your relationships and experience the improvement this understanding may have on your health. 

Affirmation of the Day:  “Believing there is a solution paves the way to a solution.” – Dr. David Schwartz

Coaching Corner: Forgiveness - Good For What Ails You

“Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love.”
-Mahatma Gandhi

I often talk with clients who are mad at themselves—because they ate something they wish they hadn’t, didn’t get to the gym as intended, gained a pound instead of losing two, etc., etc. We all make mistakes, and we let ourselves down from time to time. What’s important is how we view our “transgressions.” Confession is good for the soul, but the next step is to forgive ourselves and move on.

Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you are free from the consequences of your actions. Yes, there will be consequences, but those consequences don’t have to include feeling guilt, shame and depression—emotions that will only weaken you and make it harder for you to recover.

The ability to self-forgive is closely related to the ability to forgive others. So let’s start there. Who are you mad at today? Has someone done you wrong? Doesn’t matter if it happened 50 years ago or five minutes ago, if you’re walking around with a bee in your bonnet, you are not living your best life. Whether you’ve been cut off in traffic, slighted by a friend, badmouthed by a co-worker, or betrayed by a spouse, the resulting anger is like poison to the system. The antidote? Forgiveness.

I experienced this recently when a conversation with my sister-in-law blew up in my face. My good intentions were obviously misinterpreted and, as she spewed her venomous words, I became defensive, angry, negative… Guess whose day was ruined?

Not only did it ruin my day, it interrupted my sleep for weeks. I finally decided to write her a letter. In the first draft, I let it fly. With no intention of mailing it, I spewed my own brand of venom, but yet still felt no sense of real relief. Over the course of about a week, I revised and refined my letter until it reflected a spirit of understanding, empathy for her position and a sincere apology for anything I might have said that hurt her. I mailed it with no expectations of a response, and I never got one. But you see, it doesn’t matter, because guess whose heart is lighter today?

Did you know that forgiveness is good for your heart? Literally! A study cited in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that forgiveness is associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. A later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in depressive symptoms, strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief all have a significant impact on overall health.

“Forgiveness means giving up, letting go. It has nothing to do with condoning behavior,” said author Louise Hay. “It’s just letting the whole thing go. We do not have to know how to forgive. All we need to do is be willing to forgive. The Universe will take care of the rest.”

If you’re having trouble forgiving someone, remember that forgiveness is what we do for ourselves, not for the forgiven. Can you take a step back and put yourself in the other person’s shoes? Maybe he or she had a bad day—or a bad year, or a bad life. Whatever that person’s transgression, it’s not about you. And when we freely forgive others, we can more easily forgive ourselves.

A Fair Fight

Conflict is a natural and healthy component in any worthwhile relationship. Avoiding conflict results in building resentments and destructive or dysfunctional conflict can cause lasting emotional scars. Therefore, it is important to learn how to fight, and how to fight fair. When certain ground rules are adhered to during the argument process, the results can be beneficial. Healthy conflict gives way to clear boundaries, mutual respect, and greater trust in a relationship. With all that in mind, here are some rules for fair fighting:

1. Fights should be held in order to reach a solution, not to gain a victory.


2. The basic outline of a fight should be:  a) State your gripe b) Suggest some alternatives and c) Reach a solution.


3. You cannot refuse to fight. If something is important enough to one member of the relationship, it is worth fighting over.


4. State your gripe in the form of a positive request, not a demand.


5. Fight about one thing at a time.


6. If a fight is a question of fact, then it is your duty to get the facts.


7. If a fight is a matter of opinion, you must recognize it as such and realize that a compromise is the only solution.


8. Don’t play psychologist. Don’t try and tell others what they are thinking or feeling. DON’T ASSUME.


9. Don’t try and mind-read. It’s impossible, so ask instead.


10. Don’t play archaeologist. Don’t dig up things from the past; fight about your present gripe only.


11. Don’t make speeches. State your gripe and then let the other person answer.


12. If your opponent states a point, you must respond to it before you can make a new one. Answer questions directly.


13. No name calling.


14. No emotional blackmail…”If you loved me you would…”


15. Go back to rule number #1 and never forget it. Fights should be held in order to reach a solution, not to gain a victory.

Are you ready to rumble?

Coaching Corner - Defining Family

I’ve been on Hilton Head Island now just shy of 2 years and to tell you the truth it gets tough being so far from home at times. If I want to visit with my Dad or Grandmother, it’s onlya 19-hour drive or 4-hour plane ride away to make it happen. Quite a haul and with a busy lifestyle, lots of races, I definitely don’t get enough opportunities to head up north. When I’m there though, I fully take advantage.

How do I manage? Straight out of college, no immediate family members in the vicinity, I must get homesick right? Well of course we all miss our families at times, but what really makes someone a member of your family?

According to the Merriam-Webster online Dictionary there are several definitions for family. A group of people who live under one roof, group of common ancestry; however the one I like the most reads as so: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation. 

So far from home I think it’s essential to establish a family. The biggest supports we have in our lives don’t just include the environments we set up or the structures we put in place, but the people we surround ourselves with on a daily basis.

Take a good hard look this holiday at the people in your life who’ve contributed to the person you are today. Give only your time to the individuals who’ve impacted you positively and focus not just on your immediate family, but the people outside of your relatives that you wouldn’t go a day without. 

For me, this holiday will be spent with my immediate family and for that I am without words, very grateful. On the Island, I am fortunate to have surrounded myself with a group of individuals who truly share the same passions for life as I do. Hilton Head Health Staff and Guests, CrossFit Hilton Head, and my roommates will always be considered family. Who do you consider family this season? Make sure they know how much you care. Tis’ the season!

Happy Holidays.

[caption id="attachment_7030" align="alignleft" width="420" caption="Jeff’s Team at the NH Marathon October 2, 2010"][/caption]