Way Back Wednesday: Spring Cleaning

It's that time of year again! We're taking a look back at Linda Hopkin's post from around this time last year to get some valuable insight on different types of "Spring Cleaning".

As a coach, while I’m asking the questions and motivating you to take action, I often find myself listening to my own voice and taking a few actions of my own. For example, I recently embarked on a spring cleaning project that included a complete closet overhaul. What should have been a simple sorting exercise turned into a soul-searching experience as I took a trip down memory lane and made some tough decisions. Along the way, I discovered that this was about more than putting my closets in order. It was about letting go of the past to make room for the present.

If your house resembles the set of an Addams Family rerun, the arrival of spring is reason enough to clear a few cobwebs. The goal is not to make your house so perfect that it looks like no one lives there, but to clear your space of clutter that is sucking the life out of you. Yes, spring cleaning will take some effort, but the energy spent now will pay off in more leisure time later. You may also find that getting your house in order gives you a sense of control that spills over into every area of your life, including your quest to lose weight and improve your health.

Once your home is spic and span, consider some even more essential housekeeping. What’s hiding in your emotional closet? Guilt? Anger? Resentment? Frustration? All of the above? Are you harboring old attitudes and hanging on to past hurts? The clutter accumulating in your spiritual house can be as toxic to your life and health as the mold and mildew growing in your basement.

If you want to make room for more contentment and happiness in your life, dispose of the negative junk that’s contaminating your heart and mind. Rid yourself of anger and hatred; replace it with forgiveness and friendship. Sweep away dirty gossip with kindness and compassion. Spend less time contemplating the evil in the world and more time cultivating goodness. Refuse to air dirty laundry (yours or anyone else’s).

Keep your emotional house clean by giving people the benefit of the doubt. If someone snapped your head off, perhaps she didn’t mean it personally. Maybe she’s dealing with difficult circumstances or a personal dilemma and merely took it out on you. Think of a way in which you might help that person and set about to kill her with kindness.

If a co-worker, your spouse or a friend hurt your feelings, don’t bother brooding over it. Get it out in the open and move on. People are far more important than petty disagreements. Learn to say, “I’m sorry.” Then forgive yourself and others.

In closets and in life, let go and lighten up. Are you ready for some spring cleaning?

Recommended reading: Does This Clutter Make my Butt Look Fat? by Peter Walsh.

Caution: Do not top off tank!

Are you ever tempted to top off your vehicle’s gas tank, you know…to round out the dollar amount? According to the environmental protection agency, this is a bad idea. Just like overfilling our stomachs, it fouls up the system and wastes energy.

Much like the nozzle, which automatically shuts off when the gas tank is full, your body is equipped with a control system. It’s called hunger, and you were born with all the necessary equipment. As a baby, you knew exactly when and how much to eat. (I witnessed this miracle recently with my newborn grandson. Believe me. He knows when he’s hungry and when he’s not, and he lets everyone else know, too!)

You see, the system is regulated by the hypothalamus in the brain. When you have had enough food to satisfy the body’s need for fuel, signals are sent to the hypothalamus, registering satiety. When you are in tune with your body, you will recognize the “click,” which means “stop eating.”

Somewhere between birth and adulthood, many people lose touch with their hunger signals. The indicators are still there, but we have been topping off the tank for so long that we no longer feel the click. It takes approximately 20 minutes for fullness to transmit from the stomach back to the brain. So, if we eat too fast or if we are distracted, we may miss the sign.

Assuming that you haven’t been racing through or multi-tasking during meals, other body signals, habits, and/or emotions can override your hunger and fullness gauge. Blame it on processed foods, a busy lifestyle or well-meaning adults who taught you to clean your plate… Identifying the triggers and dealing with them appropriately is a huge step in the process of resetting the system and restoring trust in your body’s wisdom.

If topping off the tank has added up to extra weight, a coach and/or counselor can help. Reconnecting with your innate hunger signals and relearning to eat intuitively will lead to the healthiest weight for your body.

Calories Count

True or False: If you eat healthy foods and exercise every day, you will lose weight.

This is a trick question, because it can be either true or false. When we eliminate unwise foods and concentrate on nutrition, our health is bound to improve. But sometimes portion sizes and preparation methods can keep us stuck at the same place on the scale.

When coaching clients come to me in a state of frustration because they are “doing everything right but not losing weight,” my first question is, “Have you added up your calories?” Often the answer is no. When these same clients take a hard look at the numbers, they are usually surprised to learn that they are a) taking in just enough to maintain their current weight or b) taking in more than they need, in which case they are actually gaining weight. The reality is, to lose one pound per week, we must create a 3,500-calorie deficit—in other words, consume 500 calories less per day than our body needs to maintain its current weight.

Whether you are Jethro Bodine or Albert Einstein, my bet is that you aren’t a good estimator when it comes to calories in and out. It’s just too easy to rationalize away a few hundred extras by overestimating calories burned and underestimating intake. But no matter how you justify them in your head, your body’s internal calculator will not be fooled. So what’s the solution?

In a recent study published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, researchers confirmed that keeping a detailed account of what you eat and drink is a powerful weight-loss tool. The six-month study involving 1,685 middle-aged men and women found that those who kept such a diary lost about twice as much weight as those who did not.

Today, a number of Web-based weight-loss applications such as Lose It, Spark People, My Fitness Pal and others can be integrated with your computer and all of your smart devices. These programs allow you to log food intake and exercise, set and track goals, interact with others who share similar goals, and more. This is a fabulous way to begin your journey towards a healthier lifestyle, and I highly recommend it. Even if you are not a techie, these programs are easy enough to use and make calorie counting convenient. As an added bonus, many of them are free!

If the thought of keeping an electronic journal is unattractive or overwhelming, I encourage you to find a way to be accountable that suits your lifestyle—use a pocketsize notebook, diary, sticky pad, calendar, or voice recorder. Over time, you will notice behavior patterns and habits that you may want to adjust.

This doesn’t mean that you have to write down everything you eat forever. The long-term objective is to gain enough awareness and knowledge to make healthy choices more intuitively. By doing the math now, you will gain confidence in your ability to make daily decisions that support your health goals.

Conquer Clutter and Reclaim Your Life

Do you find yourself making the same resolutions year after year? For most of my life, the top two were 1) lose weight and 2) get organized. It’s been about 10 years since I finally crossed off “lose weight.” After 30 years of extremes that nearly wrecked my health, thank goodness I got off of that roller coaster.

But as my waistline shrunk, I discovered that other things besides my body were out of shape, e.g. closets, drawers, shelves, files, even electronic files, all bursting at the seams. Despite my lighter body, my world still felt heavy.

My big “aha” came about a year ago when I realized that excess weight and excess stuff are related—same set of problems, just manifesting in a different way. So I went on a mission to clean up my mess once and for all, and here’s what I learned.

When it comes to clutter, purging the piles is not the complete answer. You see, the simple act of putting things in order is only the first step toward the permanent solution. Unless we change the way we think and act on a daily basis, the spaces we occupy will return to their state of disarray.

The same thing happens when we set out to lose weight. We can go on a restrictive diet and/or embark on an extreme exercise plan and temporarily shed a few pounds. But if we want to achieve and maintain a slimmer silhouette, a deeper change must occur. Otherwise, it’s too easy to return to the familiar habits that got us in trouble in the first place.

As a coach, I have become more and more aware of the ways in which different areas of our lives are connected. Many times when we are carrying extra weight on our bodies, we are also carrying extra “junk” somewhere else. Maybe it’s in our closets, cupboards, garages or attics. Often it’s on our shoulders or in our hearts…

This year, I finally got rid of clothes I haven’t worn in years, a stack of recipes I will never prepare, and assorted odds and ends that were serving no purpose but to contribute to my stress and crowd out my joy. At the same time, I shed some old hurts, resentments and grudges, cast off unrealistic expectations and threw away my well-worn personal beat stick.

I’m feeling much lighter now.

Tips for Conquering Your Clutter

1)      Start. This may sound obvious, but it’s where most of us get hung up. Make a list of the areas of your home that need attention. Then pick a starting point. It can be one room, one closet or one drawer. Finish before moving on to the next area.

2)      Get help. If the task of de-cluttering is overwhelming either physically or emotionally, ask a trusted friend or hire a professional organizer—someone who has no attachment to your stuff—to help you sort through it.

3)      Give every item in your home a place, and then create a rule: For every new item you bring in, one or two old items must go out.

Connect the dots. Unsettled surroundings may signify an unsettled mind. As you let go of unneeded material possessions, examine and let go of negative thoughts and emotions and that are weighing you down.

Coaching Corner: Decisions, decisions…

My husband has a favorite joke. It goes like this: “When Linda and I got married, we agreed that I would make the big decisions and she would make the small decisions. So far, there haven’t been any big decisions.”

While I laugh at his joke, it reminds me of the myriad decisions we all must make. Some sources say that the average adult makes about 35,000 decisions each day. Thankfully, most of them are rather simple, many based on habit as opposed to a complicated thought process (think brushing your teeth, bathing, driving on the appropriate side of the road, stopping at red lights, etc.).

But when it comes to making healthy decisions about food, the process becomes more complicated. In an interview published in The Sun Chronicle, neuroscientist Gregory Berns explains why.

“The first problem we face is choosing between instant gratification of a hungry impulse and the delayed consequences for health. When you eat the chocolate sundae, you immediately feel good. We now know that these positive feelings are associated with the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine. In fact, dopamine is released well in advance of consumption. It is more properly a neurotransmitter of anticipation. When released, it causes the feeling of positive anticipation, and this is what causes you to reach for that spoon and dive in. The dopamine system is like a fuel-injector for action. It mobilizes your motor system to acquire whatever goodies are within your reach. It is also very fast-acting. It doesn’t really consider future consequences. That is the job of the frontal lobes, which have to work overtime to interrupt the dopamine system. We think that the brain evolved this way because it is more advantageous to consume something immediately present than to wait for something possibly better in the future (a bird in the hand). Every animal on the planet behaves this way—even honey bees.”

So if our brains are wired for instant gratification, how can we override that process and make better decisions about food?

For me, the most effective strategy is to put some distance between myself and the foods that call to me. Maybe you can keep a box of cookies in your house and eat just one. I have trouble with that, so cookies don’t live in my pantry. When I want one, I must make a conscious decision to drive to the store and get it. And I only get one… If I find myself in a situation where temptation is under my nose—say at a restaurant or at a party, I flex my decision-making muscle by asking myself if it’s worth it. Sometimes it is, but many times it’s not.

My motto is: “Don’t trade what you want most for what you want right now.” Right now, my primal brain may want the double decker banana split with extra whipped cream, nuts and cherries. But what I want more is to be able to move, play, and live—hopefully for many years to come. This doesn’t mean I will never indulge in a special ice cream treat, slice of pizza or candy bar. It just means that I make one small decision at a time.

Coaching Corner: “Will”-power

I often ask my coaching clients, “What can you do or do differently to get closer to your goal?” Most people are very good at coming up with a laundry list of things that they could, should or would do. They sound like this: “I should eat less candy, drink more water, get more exercise, cook for myself,” etc., etc. Knowing what to do is rarely the issue. It’s “just doing it” that often stumps us.

Then comes the more difficult question, “What will you do today, tomorrow, this week?” That’s when the stuttering and stammering begin. Answers often begin with, “I’ll try… or I hope…” Does this sound familiar? What would it take to eliminate the try and the hope—to make a real commitment to action? You see, there is often an enormous gap in what we can do and what we will do.



Take out a pen and paper and write out three specific actions you are willing to take today that will bring you closer to your healthiest, best self, and start every item with the words “I will.” For example:
• I will walk for 30 minutes after breakfast.
• I will eat two servings of vegetables at dinner.
• I will go to bed at 10 p.m.

Then make sure these three things happen. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It doesn’t matter how simple the actions are. What matters is that you train your brain to do what you say you will do. Healthy habits are formed through repetition—by making a decision and taking the action, one day at a time.

You have everything you need to achieve your goals. You know what you want and what it takes to get it. So, next time you catch yourself saying, “I’ll try,” or “I hope,” own your power and say, “I will.”

Linda Hopkins is a Coach for the H3@Home program. Click here if you'd like to learn more about this at-home, extension of our weight loss program.

Sharing Success: Jennifer Allerton

Jennifer Allerton has been a regular guest at Hilton Head Health for 10 years, soaking up plenty of information about nutrition and fitness and always enjoying her stay. But for all the knowledge she obtained, putting it into practice in her daily life continued to be a struggle.

“Over the years, you develop unconsciously all the behaviors and ways of doing things that make up your lifestyle. And because life is happening, you often don’t have the time or energy to reflect on what that lifestyle is doing to you,” she said.

Upon retirement from a prestigious career which entailed extensive international travel, Jennifer was determined to lose the excess weight she was carrying and get healthy once and for all. Motivated by the activities she wanted to participate in and the clothes she wished to wear, as an investment in her success, she signed up for H3@Home Coaching and began what has truly been a metamorphosis.

Jennifer admits it took some time to establish her new habits. “For the first three months of coaching, it was like, ‘Yeah, I know. But I can’t do that because…’ That’s why I needed to continue—to realize that I can do something about this and this is what I’m going to do about it.”

She continued in the coaching program for another three months, taking it a step at a time and turning the corner toward the life she envisioned.

“You have to change your lifestyle,” she said. “There’s no silver bullet. I had to make a thousand small changes in the way I do things—all those things you do automatically to get you through the day have to be re-examined and modified or changed completely. It is hard work. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

The result? Over the past 15 months, Jennifer has lost 65 pounds and gained a heck of a lot of energy and confidence along the way. Persistence has paid off. The endorphins have kicked in and the compliments keep coming.

“In the beginning, although you may see the changes, other people may not notice. So you don’t get that external feedback of people saying, ‘Wow.’ After about six months, people start to notice. And then the things that you wanted to do but haven’t been able to do all suddenly become possible,” she said.

“There are no shortcuts. You have to do the cooking and the shopping and the exercise…you’ve got to fix it bit-by-bit. And when you do, it’s great! There’s no going back. You just feel so good.

“I’m not sure what my end weight will be. I still have lots of behaviors I can tweak that should lead to further weight loss. I expect I will find the weight I can live at when I have changed all the behaviors I am willing to change. But I am sure it will be at a weight that makes me look great in Armani and lets me play tennis and go cross-country skiing!”

How did H3@Home Coaching impact your success?
“I need some external accountability. The weekly discussions over Skype with Coach Linda made me plan each week in detail—what I would be doing and how I would deal with challenging situations. For me, that’s been the most important part of coaching is to keep that day-to-day, week-to-week focus. I know what to do. It’s the doing that’s the issue, and coaching forces me to think about what I will do in concrete terms.”

What advice would you give to others who are considering home coaching?
“Having worked with an executive coach in the business world, I’m a big fan of coaching, and I do think it works. I highly recommend it, and particularly for people who are here for a relatively short period of time. You can’t learn it all in a week or two weeks. You need ongoing support.”

[caption id="attachment_8824" align="alignright" width="200" caption="Jennifer After"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_8823" align="alignright" width="200" caption="Jennifer Before"][/caption]

Safe shopping: Coach Linda goes to the grocery store

When did feeding ourselves get so complicated? With supermarkets on steroids, what used to be a simple matter of picking up essentials is now a monumental task, requiring great courage and stamina, not to mention a good pair of reading glasses and a set of blinders. Anybody else feeling my pain?

On a recent stop at one of my favorite grocery chains, instead of making my usual dash, I decided to browse—not recommended. I marveled at the thousands of items from which to choose—and that was just in the bakery/deli department. In a moment of sheer delight, I picked up the cutest little individual coconut cream pie (a personal weakness), but dropped it like a hot potato when I saw it for what it was: a conglomeration of sugar, fat, artificial colors, flavors and preservatives, not to mention 439 calories just waiting to hop on my hips.

Continuing on, I was almost overcome by the aroma of freshly baked pizza, wafting from the center aisle next to the make-your-own salad bar. At the same time, the kid in me was begging for the cupcakes with sprinkles and threw a tantrum as I passed up the warm apple fritters and oversized chocolate chunk cookies.

The snack aisle was a virtual minefield. I fondled a few bags and scanned the fuzzy labels. Fat chance I could see the fine print, much less pronounce any of the ingredients. Next, a nice lady offered me a taste of what looked like orange silly putty masquerading as cheese. Thanks, but no thanks.

Then there was the ice cream section where, in an effort to jump in my cart, Ben and Jerry (who know me by my first name) got into a brawl with some anorexic cow hawking her wares as a healthy alternative. I knew I had to get out of there fast!

With grit and determination, I made my way to the produce aisle and picked up the berries, bananas and bagged salad I came for. Of course, at the checkout counter, the Snickers and M&Ms beckoned loudly, but somehow I managed to escape unscathed. Whew!

I call this grocery store roulette, and it’s a game I wouldn’t recommend if you are on a quest to improve your health and/or lose weight. Here are some tips for navigating the supermarket without shooting yourself in the foot:

•  Fill your tank. Shopping for food on an empty stomach weakens your decision-making muscle. So, have a meal or snack and a glass of water before heading out to buy groceries. Temptations will still be lurking but easier to resist.


•  Take inventory. Avoid unhealthy impulse buying by making a list of what you actually need and making a commitment to stick to it.


• Save some energy. Exhaustion and stress make it easy to reach for convenience items which are rarely the healthiest choices. Plan your shopping trip at a time when you can relax and focus.


• Keep your guard up. While eating your way through the grocery store’s free samples may seem like a bargain, there’s a price to pay. You could easily rack up hundreds of extra calories and still be hungry for more. And, of course, there’s the sense of obligation to buy what you just tasted. That’s their strategy! Don’t fall for it.


• Define fresh. If it comes in a box with a bar code, it may not be the healthiest choice. Fill your cart with “real” food. As Michael Pollan advises in his book, Food Rules, “Don’t eat anything your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.”


• Bring your spyglass and skepticism. When it comes to food labels, be your own detective. Just because the label says it’s “healthy” or “fat-free” doesn’t make it a smart choice. Read the ingredients. If you don’t recognize it or can’t pronounce it, be highly suspicious.


•  Color your world. The contents of your grocery cart should resemble a rainbow. Select a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables. The different colors indicate different vitamins, minerals and phytonutrient content.


•  Live on the edge. In most grocery stores, processed items dominate the center aisles while fresh foods are displayed around the edges. When you must venture to the middle, focus on your list and block out the surrounding eye-candy.

 

The one skill you must have to lose weight, get healthy

How many times have you promised yourself you were going to eat right, start exercising, lose weight, get healthy? I made those promises to myself for over 30 years, experiencing some success, only to undo it and start over again and again and again. My weight was a literal battleground as I bounced from one diet and/or obsessive exercise routine to another. I was in a constant war with myself that included plenty of guilt, shame and punishment.

What was wrong with me? Why did food have so much power over me? Why did I allow it to rule my life? Was I lacking some magic motivation gene or willpower chromosome? Around age 45, I began to take a closer look at my way of life and the choices I was making. I realized I wasn’t missing anything. I had simply lost faith in myself.

It may come as a surprise to you as it did to me, but losing weight and getting healthy for life doesn’t have to be complicated. Chances are you already know exactly what to do. You just don’t do it. Most people think they need a lot of motivation and willpower. You don’t even need that. What you must have is self-belief. If you’ve stopped believing in yourself, the first step toward losing weight and getting healthy is to rehabilitate your word.

To regain trust in yourself, make a list of actions or tasks that you’ve been putting off that would make a difference in your life if you completed them. They can be small, easy actions, like returning a phone call, filing some paperwork, cleaning out your purse or closet… Or, they can be significant like clearing up a misunderstanding with a friend or family member or volunteering for a charity project. Don’t get stuck on the magnitude of the action. It doesn’t have to be a giant step like getting married/divorced or going back to school—although it could be.

Sometimes just clearing off your workspace or calling for a medical checkup or hair appointment can give you a breath of mental fresh air. There’s no right or wrong. Just do it. Make a list of 3-5 things each day. As you check items off of this list, your brain will get the message: When he/she says something is going to be done, it gets done. You are retraining your subconscious mind to know that your word is golden.

If you have this one skill—the ability to keep your word—you will accomplish what you set out to do, no motivation or willpower required. I will ________ (exercise, choose healthy food, eat smaller portions, drink more water, etc.) because I said I would.

Weight loss doesn’t begin with a diet. It starts with a decision. What’s on your healthy to-do list? Start trusting yourself to get the job done, one step, one day, one decision at a time.

 

Coaching Corner - It's About Time

Everybody wants more time. If you’re looking to find some “spare” time for exercise, meal planning, cooking, relaxation, whatever… forget it. If you’re like most people, your life is so overscheduled and overbooked, you can barely find time to take a deep breath, much less take optimal care of your health—unless, of course, you make health a top priority.

Nobody has any spare time. In fact, time is the great equalizer. The poorest person and the richest person on earth have exactly the same amount of it. So forget about finding extra time and focus on making time for the activities that support your health goals. Here’s how.

One of my colleagues and mentors, Dr. Jonny Bowden, shares this analogy: “Let’s suppose I gave you a bank account and I deposited $86,400 in it. There’s only one stipulation. You have to use it up in one day,” he says. “You either spend it or lose it. Now, wouldn’t you pay a lot of attention to how you used that money?

You have a bank account like that right now. It’s called time. You have 86,400 seconds in every day. If you don’t spend them creating the life you want to live, too bad. They’re gone. You never get to spend them again. Those 86,400 seconds are a gift from the universe. You’ve got the power and the responsibility to spend them in a way that makes a difference to the people you love and to yourself.”

In this context, we must take a hard look at where our time is going. When clients tell me there simply isn’t enough time, I encourage them to keep a log for one week to see how they are spending their time. Most of us have no idea how much time we waste every day. There are literally hours and hours at the end of every week that we could have spent on more meaningful activities. Where are you wasting precious hours?

This week, I encourage you to be more aware of how you spend your time. Do you genuinely want to make positive changes in your life? If so, then make a commitment to yourself and carve out the time. If you have been stressing about having no time to exercise, then you simply haven’t made a big enough effort to shift things around. Find the activities that eat up your time that are less important than the changes you wish to make. Then block out time on your calendar, and treat these appointments with yourself just as you would any other important meeting.

Everything starts in your thoughts. So, get clear on what you want, and start focusing your time and attention on how to make it happen. You get to choose how to spend your valuable account. And if you decide to use some of it to create a healthier life and a fitter, leaner body, the universe will cooperate with you. If you can commit, even when circumstances seem impossible, miracles can happen.

Coaching Corner: Forgiveness - Good For What Ails You

“Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love.”
-Mahatma Gandhi

I often talk with clients who are mad at themselves—because they ate something they wish they hadn’t, didn’t get to the gym as intended, gained a pound instead of losing two, etc., etc. We all make mistakes, and we let ourselves down from time to time. What’s important is how we view our “transgressions.” Confession is good for the soul, but the next step is to forgive ourselves and move on.

Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you are free from the consequences of your actions. Yes, there will be consequences, but those consequences don’t have to include feeling guilt, shame and depression—emotions that will only weaken you and make it harder for you to recover.

The ability to self-forgive is closely related to the ability to forgive others. So let’s start there. Who are you mad at today? Has someone done you wrong? Doesn’t matter if it happened 50 years ago or five minutes ago, if you’re walking around with a bee in your bonnet, you are not living your best life. Whether you’ve been cut off in traffic, slighted by a friend, badmouthed by a co-worker, or betrayed by a spouse, the resulting anger is like poison to the system. The antidote? Forgiveness.

I experienced this recently when a conversation with my sister-in-law blew up in my face. My good intentions were obviously misinterpreted and, as she spewed her venomous words, I became defensive, angry, negative… Guess whose day was ruined?

Not only did it ruin my day, it interrupted my sleep for weeks. I finally decided to write her a letter. In the first draft, I let it fly. With no intention of mailing it, I spewed my own brand of venom, but yet still felt no sense of real relief. Over the course of about a week, I revised and refined my letter until it reflected a spirit of understanding, empathy for her position and a sincere apology for anything I might have said that hurt her. I mailed it with no expectations of a response, and I never got one. But you see, it doesn’t matter, because guess whose heart is lighter today?

Did you know that forgiveness is good for your heart? Literally! A study cited in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that forgiveness is associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. A later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in depressive symptoms, strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief all have a significant impact on overall health.

“Forgiveness means giving up, letting go. It has nothing to do with condoning behavior,” said author Louise Hay. “It’s just letting the whole thing go. We do not have to know how to forgive. All we need to do is be willing to forgive. The Universe will take care of the rest.”

If you’re having trouble forgiving someone, remember that forgiveness is what we do for ourselves, not for the forgiven. Can you take a step back and put yourself in the other person’s shoes? Maybe he or she had a bad day—or a bad year, or a bad life. Whatever that person’s transgression, it’s not about you. And when we freely forgive others, we can more easily forgive ourselves.

Coaching Corner: To Lighten Up, Show Some Love

As a coach, I frequently hear people put themselves down, beat themselves up, lament what they are lacking, and virtually wallow in a quagmire of self-hatred and hopelessness. If you are having trouble acknowledging your own specialness—your value, your contribution, your reason for being—it’s no wonder you are struggling to lose weight and get healthy.

You see, to “lighten up” requires working from the inside out. It means mustering up some compassion for ourselves, forgiving ourselves for past transgressions and perceived shortcomings, finding our place and purpose in the world and letting go of old beliefs, habits and attitudes that stop us from being all that we can be. At the root of it all is self-love, and it starts with knowing your value.

I was struck by this when I lost my mother in 1987, ten years later when my grandmother joined her in heaven, again when my husband took his last breath in 2001 and recently when one of my beloved cats traveled over the “Rainbow Bridge.” When a person (or pet) leaves this world, there will never be another “them.” This realization bowls me over the same way as the vastness of the universe. I can’t just go out and get another mother or grandmother. I can remarry, but a new husband doesn’t take the place of the one who is gone; I can buy or adopt another cat, but it will have its own personality and place in my heart… Thankfully, the heart is expandable and there’s more love to go around. But it bears noting that each precious life is, in a word, irreplaceable.

So what does this tell me about me? It tells me that I am a unique creation—a distinctive combination of genetic material, yes, but also a product of my experiences along with my thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, interests, talents and flaws. There is no other person in the world just like me and there never will be. That’s a pretty powerful thought and one that leads me to feel a certain degree of responsibility. If there’s only one me, then I can’t afford to be anything less than the best version of me.

What about you? You are a one-of-a-kind creation. Like fingerprints, snowflakes and diamonds, you are different by design—exceptional, rare, a universal treasure. When you show up as less than your best, you are depriving the world and all who love you of your special gifts. So are you ready to lighten up?

Weight loss doesn’t start with counting calories or buying a gym membership. It starts with counting your blessings and buying into your worth. Loving yourself is the key. Don’t wait. Make a sign today that says, “I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” Post it in a place where you will see it every day. Look at yourself in the mirror and repeat the words until they become your truth. When you love yourself honestly, wholeheartedly and unconditionally, taking care of your body is a given, and the number on the scale will take care of itself.

Sharing Success: Brooke Huntington

[caption id="attachment_7506" align="alignright" width="420" caption="Brooke before visiting H3"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_7507" align="alignright" width="420" caption="Brooke now"][/caption]

In her own words...

Many people who are successful at adding exercise into their lifestyles do it by teaming up with a friend. They enlist a friend to go to the gym, join a group class, or train for marathon. During my first visit to H3, I began thinking of who could support me in my wellness journey and how teamwork might work for me.

Returning home, I signed up everyone I encountered for my “team.” For the first time in trying to improve my health and lose weight, I shared my goals with everyone I knew, from close friends and family to business acquaintances. People watching to see if I would succeed fueled my competitive nature and ensured I would stay on track. It also set expectations for business lunch meetings and evenings with friends. With a few moments of conversation to express my intentions, I had a team working with me and cheering for me. It certainly kept me honest on more than one occasion.

This tactic also encouraged friends and colleagues to invite me to exercise with them. Prior to H3, I was uncomfortable with group exercise classes. I was concerned that everyone would see that I was out of shape and have two left feet, or that I would cause others to make mistakes. H3 gave me the confidence to say yes when a colleague invited me to join her in a Zumba class. I still have two left feet (it’s genetic!), but I have a great workout, and I laugh through most of the class. It is the workout I look forward to each week. Plus, it added more people to my team.

Suddenly, my team went from encouraging me to praising me. It felt like I had “won” when I returned to H3 six months after my first visit and I was 30 pounds lighter. I was feeling great. I had accomplished something that for years had seemed impossible.

Have Your Cake

Coaching clients often approach me with obstacles related to special occasions and their associated foods. There’s the whole issue of traditional holidays such as Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Valentine’s Day, of course. But one that comes up on a year-round basis is birthday cake.

The trouble with birthday cake is that it already knows your name. There it is, elegantly scrolled across the top, most likely in your favorite flavor and color combination, and lit up like a theatre marquee. You are the star. How could you possibly make a wish and walk away? And why should you?

Since I’m not in the business of “should,” I encourage coachees to explore could instead. A recent client came up with the following options. I could:

a)       Refuse to go near the cake and feel deprived;

b)       Starve myself all day to allow for as much cake as I like and feel stuffed;

c)       Devour large chunks of cake as fast as possible (get it all over with) and resign myself to live with guilt and regret;

d)        Eat a slice of cake and risk feeling guilty anyway; or

e)       Grant myself permission to enjoy a slice of cake and feel satisfied.

Unlike those tricky multiple choice tests in school, in the coaching process, there is no right or wrong answer. It’s up to you to choose a path of action. My client ultimately chose “e,” adding that she would send the leftovers home with her guests to avoid temptation later.

I must admit that I am a huge fan of birthday cake, and particularly the icing roses—those glorious blobs of dressed up sugar and fat, so artfully disguised as love. You see it’s not really about the cake or the frosting. It’s about a feeling. While birthday cake doesn’t fall into the category of good nutrition, life is short, and my once-a-year frosting fest doesn’t affect my health or weight one way or another. I choose to enjoy it.

Should you have cake? It’s up to you. Let the choice be a source of freedom and empowerment.

Coaching Corner: The Scale - Terrorist or Tool?

Many of my coaching clients ask, “Should I weigh myself?” My standard answer is to ask a couple of questions: 1) Do you think you need to weigh? 2) What does the number on the scale mean to you?

Many people are terrified of the scale. I know, because I was one of the terrorized. There was a time in my life when my scale and I were on intimate terms. In fact, I even bought one that could talk. He had a rather pleasant voice (except when his batteries were low). When I stepped on him, he announced my weight and wished me a “nice day.”

I became obsessed with the man in the scale, like a bad boyfriend. My morning ritual involved lining him up just right (I knew which position on the tile would give me the lowest reading). After eliminating everything possible, including clothes, shoes and jewelry, even my elastic hair band, I would blow out the air in my lungs (surely all that air would weigh something…) and step, ever so lightly, onto the exact spot I knew would deliver the lowest reading. I had this down to a science.

It got worse. Over time, I began weighing myself at various times of the day, getting different numbers each time, of course, depending on my food and water intake, amount of exercise, time of month, etc. A low number often led to a binge, but a high number set off a panic attack, followed by some form of self-punishment—a few more hours sweating it out at the gym and/or a night of starvation.



The turning point for me was an illness that took months to diagnose and a year of recovery. You see, when we abuse our bodies, whether by over- or under-eating or exercising, it eventually comes back to bite us.

After a great deal of self-reflection and some work with a counselor, I eventually began to identify the thoughts, beliefs and attitudes that were driving me to obsess over the number on the scale. I now own a new scale, which, by the way, does not talk. I check in occasionally (about once a week) just to see how I’m doing. The number still varies, and I’m fine with that, because here’s what I’ve learned:

The number is just that: a number—a plain, stupid digital readout. It doesn’t say anything about who I am as a person. It’s there to help me. Like an air traffic controller, it gives me valuable information about my course, so, if necessary, I can make corrections.

If the thought of a daily or weekly weigh-in strikes terror in your heart, try looking at it as a simple reality check. Use the scale as a tool, and realize that it is only one way of measuring your progress. Glance at the number and say, “So what?” After all, it is not a judgment of your personal worth. It’s simply a way of knowing if you’re moving in the desired direction.

Magical Exercise

As a wellness coach, I often talk to clients about their exercise habits. But of all exercises, one stands out as a daily must. It doesn’t require any special skills or equipment. It can be done anytime, anywhere, and no one will know you are doing it unless you tell them. (No, it is not butt squeezes!) It is the most transformative of any exercise. In fact, this exercise will change your life faster than anything else you can possibly do. Are you ready?

Get out your journal, a notebook or a plain piece of paper and jot down everything you’re grateful for. Start with the basics like food, shelter, clothing and transportation. How about family, friends, a beloved pet? Dig a little deeper. Have you experienced healing from a serious illness or the restoration of an important relationship?

When you run out of the obvious, look around for the small blessings in life: that beautiful bird singing outside your window, the sunrise, the store clerk who helped you today or the person who slowed down to let you in traffic… Instead of focusing on all the bad things happening in the world, start looking for the good.

Of course, it’s easy to give thanks when everything’s coming up roses. But how can we feel grateful when confronted with life’s thorns? It comes down to practice.

Few people go to the gym simply to be able to bench press 100 pounds, run four miles on a treadmill or do three sets of squats, but rather to have energy and strength to carry a sleepy child to bed, unload the groceries, do the yard work, play sports or climb stairs… Exercise is simply the tool we use to get more of what we want out of life.

In the same way, practicing gratitude is a workout for our souls. Just as physical exercise improves strength and stamina, repeated awareness of our blessings builds our happiness muscles. Condition yourself to look at the brighter side of life and it will only get brighter.

Enjoy the Holidays without Guilt or Regret

It’s November, and “eating season” is officially open. If you’re trying to lose weight or just maintain your current weight, the next couple of months are likely to be a challenge. To get through the holidays without packing on pounds, you need a plan. Here are five tips to help you enjoy the festivities without guilt or regret:

 Get moving. Even though it feels impossible to fit in another activity, make exercise a priority. Whether it’s time at the gym, a fitness tape at home or a brisk walk through the mall, physical activity not only burns calories but boosts energy and combats stress.

 Make smart choices. Enjoy small portions of your favorite holiday treats, and skip the foods that you can have any time. For example, you can have chips and dip all year round. Pass on the ho-hum and go for the seasonal delights–in moderation, of course!

 Drink up. Concentrate on staying hydrated, which will also help you feel full and satisfied. Drink two glasses of water before the feast and an extra glass between those adult beverages. If you find it difficult to drink plain water, add a twist of lemon or lime or a splash of cranberry juice. Limit alcoholic beverages to one or two cocktails or glasses of wine. Remember: nobody really notices or cares what you’re drinking. Save calories and avoid hangovers with good old H2O.

 Change your focus. While holidays may seem to be all about food, you can make them about connecting instead. Shift your focus from the food to friends and family members. Plan activities, play games, reminisce. The real gift is in the love and laughter that you share. The food is just the bow on the package.

Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself permission to be a little less than perfect with all of your holiday preparations. Decide which traditions really matter and let go of the rest. The resulting state of calm will save your sanity, help prevent emotional eating and allow time and energy to truly savor the season.

Sharing Success: Katharine Carek

Katharine Carek came to Hilton Head Health for one reason: “I don’t want to die,” she said. “I love my family, and I want to be here for them.” Facing reality, Katharine knew that she had to address her weight, high blood pressure and diabetes if she wanted to stick around. While “fear-based” motivators are not generally the strongest in terms of long-term compliance, what Katharine discovered along the way was her true motivation: to LIVE—not just to exist on this earth, but to lead a rich, fulfilling, happy life. And that’s exactly what she’s doing today as she continues her quest toward her “best self.”

When Katharine first started the coaching program, she was intimidated about gym classes—worried that she couldn’t keep up or that others would judge her because of her weight. With encouragement, she took a chance and attended some group fitness classes. “I developed the attitude of doing what I can and not worrying about what other people think,” she said. Now she’s hooked—attending a variety of classes five times a week. “People come up to me in the gym and say I’m inspiring. I love that I can inspire other people to get healthy,” she said.

Since leaving H3, Katharine has reduced her clothing size from a 24 to a 16. She’s boxing up her “big girl” dresses for charity and plans to buy a new wardrobe when she reaches size 12. She recently purchased a pair of boots. “I look hot,” she said, thrilled that she no longer needs the styles for extra-large calves!

The side effects of her weight loss are dramatic, to say the least. Her blood pressure is now normal with no medication. She has been able to drop one of her diabetes meds and now needs only one mild medication for the condition.

But perhaps the biggest change is in the area of confidence and self-esteem. Katharine and her husband are taking dance lessons, something she never would have considered before. She recently attended a neighborhood party where she danced the night away. “I’ve never in my life felt this good,” she said. “I look in the mirror and say, ‘Not so bad!’ I can cross my legs again—for the first time in 20 years. I feel so ‘adult’.”

 

How has H3@Home Coaching benefitted you in any of the following areas:

Appearance: LOOKING GOOOOD!

Motivation: Pretty darn high!

Energy: Running circles around my younger husband!

Exercise Habits: Does the title “Gym Rat” ring a bell?

Eating Habits: Not perfect, but greatly improved!

Sleep: Much better.

Self Esteem: Much, much higher. Greater confidence in social situations.

Stress: Extremely low, not much of a problem. I have been dropping activities that are stressful.

 

What successes can you attribute to wellness coaching and the continued at-home support?

Continued support keeps me focused on all that good training for both emotional and physical optimal well-being that I learned at H3.

Home coaching with Linda Hopkins is a continuation of that education and support. It doubles the value of the time and money that was spent at H3.

Coaching Corner: Redefining “Diet”-Daily Intake of Essential Things

For many people, the most dreaded word in the English language is the “D” word. Nothing conjures up a state of misery faster than the thought of giving up pancakes and pizza for protein shakes and fiber supplements. But the reality is, to lose weight, you must evaluate the fuel you are putting into your body—not only the quantity, but also the quality.

People say that diets don’t work. They say this because the vast majorities who go on one eventually fall off the wagon and gain the weight back. The truth is, diets work great. While one may work better for you than another, any program that restricts caloric intake will be effective to a certain degree. I dare say that you could succeed (temporarily) on one of those nonsense plans like the Twinkie Diet or the Cabbage Soup Diet, but please don’t try this. Besides wrecking your health and metabolism, eventually you are going to crave some “real” food, and by then you are likely to be ravenous and out of control. Beware of quick fixes and instant solutions that sound too good to be true. They are.

Although many reputable diet programs are available, the best plan is to focus on the principles of healthy eating you have learned at Hilton Head Health. If you insist on “dieting,” it should not have an end. It should be a transition into a lifestyle that you can enjoy and sustain for the rest of your life.

Notice I said enjoy. Yes, food is glorious and should provide pleasure as well as nourishment. The trick is to strike a balance between the two. Finding your optimal balance will likely require you to change your relationship with food and with your body. By learning to feed yourself exactly what you need physically, emotionally and spiritually, you can take charge of your health and well-being.

Mind shift: Instead of associating diets with deprivation, start thinking of the word as an acronym for Daily Intake of Essential Things. In addition to food, what’s essential for you could be more sleep, something fun to do or someone to do it with, a career change, a massage or a hug. Rather than focus on what you might have to give up, think in terms of what you can add in the areas of self-care and what you have to gain when you lose that extra load you’ve been lugging around. Benefits are sure to include better health, more energy and greater confidence.

How I stopped my ice cream binge.

I have a confession to make. Last Saturday, as I was strolling down the ice cream aisle at the local Harris Teeter, a carton of Blue Bunny white chocolate macadamia nut cookie ice cream called my name. “Pssst, Linda. Over here!” And before I could get around the corner, it had hopped right into my cart.

There was a time in my life when I knew that I couldn’t buy whole cartons of ice cream. I would buy individual ice cream sandwiches or bars so that I could “eat the whole thing” without consuming several thousand calories in one weak moment. But it’s been many years since I even thought about going on an all-out binge, so I figured I was pretty safe.

The ice cream lived happily in my freezer for a few days. I had a small serving on Sunday and another Monday. But by about Wednesday, I could hear it beckoning me at all hours of the day. “One scoop won’t hurt,” the voice said. And the voice of reason replied, “I need to put it in a dish so I won’t be tempted to overeat (advice I frequently share with clients at Hilton Head Health). So I had a small dish and went back to work.

By the next afternoon, the voice got louder. I had my single dish, and then it shouted: “You worked out this morning; you’ve had a hard day; you can eat a light dinner and exercise extra tomorrow; a little bit more won’t hurt….” I finally caved in, snatched it out of the freezer and started eating it right out of the carton—shoveling it in as fast as it could slide down my throat, digging out the special bites of cookie dough and leveling off the top as I went. That’s when the voice of reason said, “STOP!”