Body Image Vs. Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem

For most of us, carrying excess weight becomes a heavy burden on our self-esteem. We look in the mirror with self-loathing and the way we feel about our body slowly becomes the way we feel about ourselves.
I was reminded of this dynamic recently on an invigorating power walk. Pumping my arms and taking long enthusiastic strides along my favorite work-out route, Pit Bull blasted through my headphones. Passing a familiar home with a for-sale sign in the front yard I took notice of an addition to the sign that read, “I’m Beautiful Inside.” Wow, what a great reminder!

Body Image

As our body image takes shots at our self-esteem, we need to learn to fight back. Changing our body takes time, so some unsavory messages are bound to surface on occasion. It’s important that when that happens,

"we turn our attention to our inner strengths so that we don’t provide fertile ground for those negative messages to grow. Remembering that we are not our bodies, our bodies are where we live."

What are the qualities contained within the body that you admire or love? What are things you love about yourself that have nothing to do with your body? For instance, I love my sense of humor, my compassion, my ability to be non-judging and accepting of others. Those are things that make me beautiful inside, just like the real estate sign says.

Inner Beauty

When we remind ourselves of our inner beauty, it makes us more accepting of our body and preserves our self-esteem. That’s really a win-win situation. You can love your body and still want to change it, but reminding yourself of some of your virtuous qualities makes it a lot easier to do.

Give it a try. Write down five things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with your body for the next ten days straight. I guarantee that at the end of the ten days you will feel infinitely better about both yourself and your body!

The Power of Words

I have always been a believer in the power of thoughts and words. Every thought you think creates your future and your reality can be spoken into existence with the articulated word. Melissa Dahl, of NBC News, helps to confirm my beliefs in a recent article she wrote entitled, Stop Calling Yourself Old, Says a New Study. The study she refers to was published in the Journal of Eating Disorders, and finds that women of all ages complain about being old. The research links so called "old talk" to greater levels of body dissatisfaction, which can in turn lead to higher rates of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and more physical and mental health problems. In essence, calling yourself old can make you feel as bad about your body as calling yourself fat.

The truth is, the power of words to affect your emotions and actions are well demonstrated in science. For example, scientists have found that just hearing sentences about elderly people led research subjects to walk more slowly. In other research, individuals read words of 'loving kindness' showed increases in self-compassion, improved mood and reduced anxiety.

It’s important to listen to your self-talk and change the negative messages. Words have the power to transform you in either positive or negative ways, but you have both the ability and authority to choose. You are the author of your life and the words you use to tell your story will shape your reality. Self-deprecating humor, destructive comments about your body, and referring to your age in a negative way are counterproductive to your health and success. Change the tape!

Here are a few people who share my fascination for words:

“…of all the weapons of destruction that man could invent, the most terrible-and the most powerful-was the word. Daggers and spears left traces of blood; arrows could be seen at a distance. Poisons were detected in the end and avoided. But the word managed to destroy without leaving clues.”
― Paulo Coelho

“I know nothing in the world that has as much power as a word. Sometimes I write one, and I look at it, until it begins to shine.”
― Emily Dickinson

"Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know more.”
― Confucius

“There exists, for everyone, a sentence - a series of words - that has the power to destroy you. Another sentence exists, another series of words, that could heal you. If you're lucky you will get the second, but you can be certain of getting the first.”
― Philip K. Dick, VALIS

“It doesn't matter if you and everyone else in the room are thinking it. You don't say the words. Words are weapons. They blast big bloody holes in the world. And words are bricks. Say something out loud and it starts turning solid. Say it loud enough and it becomes a wall you can't get through.”
― Richard Kadrey, Kill the Dead

Coaching Corner: The Scale - Terrorist or Tool?

Many of my coaching clients ask, “Should I weigh myself?” My standard answer is to ask a couple of questions: 1) Do you think you need to weigh? 2) What does the number on the scale mean to you?

Many people are terrified of the scale. I know, because I was one of the terrorized. There was a time in my life when my scale and I were on intimate terms. In fact, I even bought one that could talk. He had a rather pleasant voice (except when his batteries were low). When I stepped on him, he announced my weight and wished me a “nice day.”

I became obsessed with the man in the scale, like a bad boyfriend. My morning ritual involved lining him up just right (I knew which position on the tile would give me the lowest reading). After eliminating everything possible, including clothes, shoes and jewelry, even my elastic hair band, I would blow out the air in my lungs (surely all that air would weigh something…) and step, ever so lightly, onto the exact spot I knew would deliver the lowest reading. I had this down to a science.

It got worse. Over time, I began weighing myself at various times of the day, getting different numbers each time, of course, depending on my food and water intake, amount of exercise, time of month, etc. A low number often led to a binge, but a high number set off a panic attack, followed by some form of self-punishment—a few more hours sweating it out at the gym and/or a night of starvation.



The turning point for me was an illness that took months to diagnose and a year of recovery. You see, when we abuse our bodies, whether by over- or under-eating or exercising, it eventually comes back to bite us.

After a great deal of self-reflection and some work with a counselor, I eventually began to identify the thoughts, beliefs and attitudes that were driving me to obsess over the number on the scale. I now own a new scale, which, by the way, does not talk. I check in occasionally (about once a week) just to see how I’m doing. The number still varies, and I’m fine with that, because here’s what I’ve learned:

The number is just that: a number—a plain, stupid digital readout. It doesn’t say anything about who I am as a person. It’s there to help me. Like an air traffic controller, it gives me valuable information about my course, so, if necessary, I can make corrections.

If the thought of a daily or weekly weigh-in strikes terror in your heart, try looking at it as a simple reality check. Use the scale as a tool, and realize that it is only one way of measuring your progress. Glance at the number and say, “So what?” After all, it is not a judgment of your personal worth. It’s simply a way of knowing if you’re moving in the desired direction.

Getting Ready for Swimsuit Season

With summer and hot weather approaching, bathing suit-and-shorts season is upon us.  Women (and men) often tell me that they will not wear a bathing suit, sleeveless shirt, and/or shorts because of their negative feelings about their body.  They are worried that people will judge them.  Unfortunately, because of their desire to feel psychologically comfortable, they may be physically uncomfortable.  Furthermore, they miss out on swimming, boating, or going to the beach--activities they would enjoy.   

If you avoid wearing certain clothes because you’re embarrassed about your body, start by challenging your fear that people are judging you.  Many people may not even be paying any attention to you or what you’re wearing.  How do you know that people are judging you?  Yes, some people may judge/criticize you because of your weight (and that reflects negatively on them, not you), but not everyone will do so.  Some people may give you credit for participating in the fun instead of sitting on the sidelines. 

Instead of saying “I can’t wear a bathing suit,” ask yourself “how can I wear a bathing suit?”  What could you do to feel more comfortable in your bathing suit?  Wear a t-shirt or cover up over it? 

Ask yourself whether it’s really worth missing out on feeling comfortable (physically) or participating in fun activities because of how you feel about your body.  Do you really want to allow your fear that people will judge you to control your behavior?

Appreciate the Positives

In this brand new year, how about resolving to be kinder to your body? 

Many people treat their body like their enemy.  They are unhappy with how their body looks and how it performs, and they may blame their body for some (or much) of their unhappiness.  People often realize, looking back, that they were dissatisfied with their body even when they were 25 or 50 lbs lighter. 

To be kinder to your body, focus on the gifts your body has given you, not just the negatives.  We often forget about and/or take for granted all the wonderful things our body does for us.  Our body keeps on running, even when we don’t give it enough/proper fuel (sleep and/or good nutrition).  We don’t expect our cars to run on empty, yet we assume that our body will keep going even when it’s dangerously low on fuel. 

Think about what your body allows you to do.  For example, my body lets me walk and control (well, mostly!) my two big dogs (who outweigh me), even when they’re itching to chase a squirrel or deer.  How cool is that?

What has your body done for you lately?  Perhaps your body has …

• Taken you to the top of a hill


• Gotten stronger


• Stayed awake so you could drive home safely


• Learned a new physical skill


• Created a human being


• Fought off an infection


• Rewarded you with the sight of a beautiful rainbow or sunset


• Kept going, despite being in pain


• Given you the sound of children laughing


• Allowed you to enjoy the exquisite touch of another person

When you start criticizing your body (“I hate my thighs,” “I’m not as fit as I used to be”), please try to think of two positives for every negative.  If you appreciated your body and treated it like your friend—not your enemy—what would you do differently??

Ask the Expert: Body Image

Q:  I avoid the gym because I’m afraid people will think I’m too fat to be there.  What can I do to feel more comfortable at the gym?

 

A: Beth Leermakers, Wellness Counselor:

People often assume that others are judging them.  However, chances are good that the folks who are working out aren’t paying any attention to you.  Many people are so busy worrying about what others are thinking about them that they don’t even notice the person on the treadmill next to them.  Another possibility is that those gym regulars are impressed that you are working out. 

Keep in mind that they were new to the gym once, too, and perhaps they too have lost weight.  When you allow your concerns about what other people may be thinking to keep you away from the gym, you are giving away your power to those unknown individuals.  Do you really want to allow strangers to control your behavior?

Instead of saying “I can’t go to the gym,” ask yourself “How can I go to the gym?”  Here are a few strategies that may help you feel more comfortable:

-  Wear workout clothes that you feel good in

-  Go when the gym isn’t as crowded

-  Go with a friend

-  Ask for an orientation and/or instruction on how to use the equipment

-  Work out with a personal trainer

 

Have a question?  The healthy lifestyle experts are here to help!  Email cmaddox@hhhealth.com with your question and check back every Thursday for our feature column.

Yes you can - love yourself!

What is Body Image?  Body image is not about what you actually look like.  Body image refers to your relationship with your body—your beliefs, perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and actions related to your body.  Body image is influenced by cultural pressures, interpersonal factors (e.g., relationships), individual factors such as mood, and physical factors like body weight. 

 

According to a body image survey conducted by Psychology Today magazine, body dissatisfaction is soaring among both women and men.  Physical factors, such as gaining weight, are the most common cause of negative feelings toward the body.  67% of women over age 30 are unhappy with their weight.  15% of women and 11% of men say they would sacrifice more than five years of their lives to be the weight they want.  24% of women and 17% of men say they would give up more than three years. 

 

The most reliable way to develop positive feelings about your body is to exercise, just for the pleasure of it.  (Yes, you read that correctly!)  People who exercise for strength, fitness, health tend to feel more satisfied with their bodies than people who focus on exercise only as a means to achieve weight control.  When you stop focusing on how your body looks and start appreciating what it can help you accomplish—walking, swimming, picking up and playing with grandchildren—you tend to feel more satisfied.

 

There are ways to improve your body image and how you feel about yourself.  Here are a few tips to help you LOVE yourself:

 

1.  Evaluate yourself using criteria other than physical appearance.  Focus on your success at work, with your family, participating in recreational activities, friendships and community involvement.  You are defined by so much more than your appearance.

 

2.  Appreciate the positive qualities of your body, especially what it can do for you.  Think about everything your body allows you to do:  walk, hug your children and enjoy seeing a sunrise.  Also think about what feels good to your body—the sensual pleasures.

 

3.  Engage in behaviors that help you feel good about yourself, such as exercising or buying an outfit that you look and feel good wearing.

 

4.  Limit your exposure to images that make you feel badly about your body.  Stop buying fashion magazines or men’s magazines that feature perfectly buff bodies.

 

5.  Seek out people who respect and care about your body.  Teach them how to talk about your body in a positive way.

 

6.  To help boost your body image and self-appreciation, you will need to identify and change your negative thoughts about your body.  For help doing this, check out Thomas Cash’ book The Body Image Workbook:  An 8-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks. . 

 

7.  The next step will be to examine what may be going on underneath your body dissatisfaction.  Is focusing on your body distracting you from addressing something else that needs your attention?  For example, is it possible that your relationship problems may be due to shyness and/or lack of social skills, rather than to your weight? 

 

This week at H3, we are focusing a little extra time on helping you create a loving relationship with the most important person in your life – you!  Because if you don’t love yourself, who will?