Practicing What I Preach

I am writing this, my last H3 blog post, with a mixture of sadness and excitement.  For years I have preached the importance of work/life balance, while my own life has lacked that balance.  I have loved helping Hilton Head Health guests change their behavior and lives, and I derived great satisfaction during my 15 months as Rescue Coordinator for Darlington County Humane Society.  However, my personal life has suffered. 

Hilton Head Island, with its 34,000 residents, has extremely limited social options for single women of a certain age—my age, as I soon discovered.  I tried to tell myself that having a great job and living in a beautiful place were enough; I would be satisfied if I were alone for the rest of my life.  Some days, that seemed like a reasonable decision.  Yet other times, like recently when I was sitting at an outdoor restaurant enjoying a gorgeous, sunset ocean view by myself, I realized I was missing out on companionship. 

Therefore, I recently decided to return to Dallas, where I will have more social and recreational opportunities.  I will be the Employee Health Coach for two hospitals in the Methodist Health System.  I’m looking forward to the big-city culture I enjoyed while living in Dallas for 10 years:  Jazz Under the Stars, offbeat plays (Great American Trailer Park Musical), the North Texas Jazz Festival, Shakespeare in the Park, and of course the Texas State Fair.  My dogs will have a blast at two upcoming water-park events:  K-9 Kerplunk and Wags and Waves.  And hopefully, I will renew old friendships and form new ones.    

Thank you, to all of the Hilton Head Health guests who have touched my heart during the past 3 ½ years.  Thank you for your honesty, openness, courage, and willingness to take a risk.  You have inspired me more than you know.  I will miss you.  Best wishes for a life filled with health, happiness, and balance.  You deserve it!

Focus on the Positives - Not the Setback

I recently received very disappointing news about a dog that I rescued two years ago from a kill shelter. Dakota was adopted 1 1/2 years ago and was living the good life with her new family until last week when she apparently threatened to fight with her canine sibling. She was taking steroids, which can trigger aggressive behavior in some dogs, at the time. The adopter wanted to have Dakota put to sleep because of this one episode of aggression, which didn’t even turn into an attack. Dakota’s family discounted the fact that she got along well with their other dog for 18 months. Luckily the adopter agreed to return Dakota to the boarding-kennel-based rescue group, where she will have another chance to find a loving home.

I’ve been thinking about how quickly Dakota’s family gave up on her without making any effort to evaluate the situation and/or solve the problem. I realized that many people who struggle with their weight are also tempted to give up when they experience a setback. They may decide to throw in the towel after a binge, even if that single episode followed weeks (or months) of healthy eating. We tend to focus on the negative and ignore or downplay the positive.

Make the Fur–Fitness Connection

Remember the movie Must Love Dogs (boy meets girl at a dog park with borrowed dogs)?  Well, that scenario isn’t just a Hollywood fantasy.  Dogs really can be good icebreakers.  Volunteers in the Washington (DC) Humane Society’s P.A.C.K. (People & Animal Cardio Klub) program gather on weekends to walk or run in area parks with shelter dogs.  Singles meet on Thursday nights at Pets Alive, a no-kill animal sanctuary in Middletown NY, to walk the shelter dogs.  What great ways to meet other dog lovers while getting some exercise and helping the dogs!  Several studies have shown that walking with a dog leads to more conversations and helps people stay socially connected.

Social interaction is just one of the many health and wellness benefits that pets provide.  Studies have shown that …

Take a Walk on the Mindful Side

 

When I walk my dogs in the morning, my mind often wanders far away from my peaceful island surroundings.  I catch myself planning my day and/or thinking about tasks I need to do in the near future (make a dentist appointment, replace my watch battery).  Or, even worse, I worry about something I “should” do in the future or “shouldn’t” have done in the past.  Bottom line:  my walks aren’t very relaxing.  I would enjoy my walks more if I were more mindful – i.e., more focused on the present moment. 

Most of our stress comes from agonizing about the past (coulda, shoulda, woulda) or worrying about the future.  To take a break from stress, try focusing on the present instead of the past or the future.  Assuming you are safe in the present moment, you are ok.  

To make your walks more mindful, try a walking meditation:

"Legalize" Your Favorite Foods

Do you think certain foods—ice cream, cookies, chips, or pizza—are “bad” foods when you are on a diet? If you designate your favorite, high-calorie foods as forbidden, your desire and cravings for them may increase. Furthermore, if you call yourself “bad” when you slip and eat your favorite, “bad” foods, that downward spiral of shame and guilt may cause you to eat even more. Please give yourself a break, and don’t beat yourself up about your food choices, which are just that—choices, not a sign of a character flaw.

Take a Vacation from the Clock

As you read this, I am getting ready for my eagerly-awaited vacation. Tomorrow I’m heading to the NC mountains for my annual summer getaway with my dogs. My boys and I are excited about cooler weather and some fabulous hiking. Most of all, I’m looking forward to a temporary reprieve from the clock.

My life is dictated by schedules and appointments. When I’m not keeping appointments or trying (usually in vain) not to end my classes more than 10 minutes late, I’m rushing to catch the ferry to my island home. So much of my stress comes from time pressure, that it’s a huge relief not to be glued to my watch for a few days.

Several years ago, on a beach vacation with friends (who are as Type A as I am), I innocently suggested that we put our watches away for the weekend. My friends were appalled. “How will we know when it’s time to eat?” they asked me indignantly. Umm, when we’re hungry? “How will we know when it’s time to go to bed?” Umm, when we’re tired? Finally the group agreed to take a big risk, and we had a “ceremonial removing of the watches.” What a relief! We listened to our bodies, slowed down, and had a very relaxing break.

While I’m away this week, I will enjoy waking up naturally (no alarm clock!), hiking when it’s cool enough (not when it’s “time to go”), eating when I’m hungry, and going to bed when I’m tired. How refreshing that will be …. If you too are ruled by the clock, I challenge you to take a short break from it. Take off your watch and avoid the clock on your phone, computer, and TV. The world won’t grind to a halt ….

Just Say It!

During a recent discussion about binge eating, the group agreed that people sometimes over-eat to avoid confrontation. Using food to stuff your anger or hurt may seem safer than standing up for yourself and/or expressing your feelings. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it may seem impossible to think of what to say. However, in many situations you have another opportunity to address the problem later. The next time you’re steaming about a conflict, put your energy into planning what you’ll say to address the problem.

“I” statements avoid the defensiveness that often results when you use “you” statements (e.g., “You always sabotage my weight loss efforts”). “I” statements focus on how you feel, and they request a specific change:

I feel (emotion: angry, hurt, sad, disappointed, etc)
when (specific, objective event or behavior—not an inflammatory label such as “sabotage” or “food police”)
because (your interpretation).
And I want (specific change you’re requesting in the future).

For example:

I feel angry
when you ask whether I’m allowed to eat a cookie
because I feel like you’re trying to control me, and that you don’t trust me to make my own decisions.
And I want you to please let me make my own food choices.


What conflict or conversation have you been avoiding?

Overcoming Your Fear of Failure

Hilton Head Health guests often tell me that they’re afraid of failing at weight loss—again. Because losing weight and regaining it so many times is discouraging and makes them feel like a failure, people may feel emotionally safer if they don’t try again. Unfortunately, however, this attitude doesn’t improve their health and help them feel and/or look better.  

 If fear of failure holds you back, here are a few strategies to help you overcome it:

•  Set yourself up to succeed. Set very realistic goals—ones that you are 90% confident that you can achieve. Make small changes and then build on those changes. Instead of expecting to follow your 1200 calorie eating plan perfectly right away, work on eating breakfast several times per week, taking a healthy snack to work (and eating it!), or limiting your red meat. Later you can add other healthy behaviors that move you closer to your calorie goal. If exercising for 60 minutes, 5 days per week, seems impossible now, start by walking for 10-15 minutes, 2-3 days per week. If you can go longer after you get started, go for it!

 

• Do something healthy every day. Doing something to take care of yourself feels so much better than doing nothing.

 

• Give yourself credit for your successes. At the end of each day, think about what you’ve accomplished. If you are making healthier choices than you used to, pat yourself on the back for moving in the right direction.

 

• Worry about keeping the weight off later (after you’ve lost it). Take it one day (or one meal or workout) at a time.

 What healthy behavior(s) have you done or will you do today?

Try a Canine Personal Trainer

[caption id="attachment_5456" align="alignnone" width="420" caption="Beth and Zane enjoying an afternoon bike ride"][/caption]

Are you having trouble staying on track with your physical activity?  Are you reluctant to hire Hans, the muscle-bound, drill-sergeant-like personal trainer at your gym?  If so, you may want to try a 4-legged personal trainer.  Dogs who love to walk or run make fabulous exercise partners. 

 My two big dogs, Zane and Snowie, are so eager to go that they will jump onto the sofa, cover my face with kisses, and plant their paws on my computer keyboard until I get up to walk them.  They are used to their walking schedule, and they know when it’s time to go.  When it’s cold and rainy, I would be tempted to stay in bed if it weren’t for my dogs, who bounce off the walls and drive me crazy if they don’t get enough exercise.  So I put a raincoat on Snowie, a backpack on Zane (to tire him out even more), and we head out the door. 

 If you prefer to ride a bicycle, there’s a fabulous contraption (the Springer bicycle jogger) that allows you to bring your dog along and keep both hands on the handlebars.  Don’t have a dog?  Borrow your neighbor’s dog, foster a dog from an animal shelter or rescue group, or walk dogs at your local animal shelter.  Many of the shelter dogs rarely get out of their kennels and would love an opportunity to explore the world. 

 Research has shown that petting a dog or cat reduces blood pressure.  Take advantage of a little canine or feline therapy to reduce your stress.

Getting Ready for Swimsuit Season

With summer and hot weather approaching, bathing suit-and-shorts season is upon us.  Women (and men) often tell me that they will not wear a bathing suit, sleeveless shirt, and/or shorts because of their negative feelings about their body.  They are worried that people will judge them.  Unfortunately, because of their desire to feel psychologically comfortable, they may be physically uncomfortable.  Furthermore, they miss out on swimming, boating, or going to the beach--activities they would enjoy.   

If you avoid wearing certain clothes because you’re embarrassed about your body, start by challenging your fear that people are judging you.  Many people may not even be paying any attention to you or what you’re wearing.  How do you know that people are judging you?  Yes, some people may judge/criticize you because of your weight (and that reflects negatively on them, not you), but not everyone will do so.  Some people may give you credit for participating in the fun instead of sitting on the sidelines. 

Instead of saying “I can’t wear a bathing suit,” ask yourself “how can I wear a bathing suit?”  What could you do to feel more comfortable in your bathing suit?  Wear a t-shirt or cover up over it? 

Ask yourself whether it’s really worth missing out on feeling comfortable (physically) or participating in fun activities because of how you feel about your body.  Do you really want to allow your fear that people will judge you to control your behavior?

Count Your Blessings

Do you tend to focus more on what isn’t working in your life than on what is working?  If so, a dose of gratitude may be just what the doctor ordered.  Studies have shown that grateful people take better care of themselves and engage in more protective health behaviors:  regular exercise, healthy diet, and regular physical examinations.  Grateful people tend to be more optimistic, and optimism boosts the immune system.  People who keep gratitude journals exercise more regularly, report fewer physical symptoms, feel better about their lives as a whole, and maintain greater optimism about the future.

To cultivate gratitude …

• Keep a daily gratitude journal.  List 3-5 things for which you are grateful.  You can write at the beginning or end of the day, or even add to your list throughout the day.


• Make a list of the benefits in your life and ask “to what extent do I take these things for granted?” 


• Use reminders.  Post lists of your blessings around your house, office, or even in your car.  Set your computer or phone to beep once or twice a day, to prompt you to stop and count your blessings. 

What is going well in your life?

Do Less

During my stress eating class this week, we talked about the importance of saying “No!” to protect your time and energy.  Several people said they want to say “no” more often but have a hard time doing so.  As a group, we practiced shouting the word “No.” The experience felt so good and was so empowering that we repeated the practice at the end of class.

Do you do most things because someone else has asked you to do them?  If so, saying no more often will increase your emotional energy.  Say no to social engagements that don’t appeal to you.  No to your boss (sometimes).  No to your friend.  No to a child. 

With the time and energy you save by saying no, do something you want to do.  You deserve it!

What is something that you plan to make time for?  Take time this weekend for a special shopping trip, manicure or pedicure, or even quiet time to read your favorite book!

Perfection is the Enemy of Progress

“I should be perfect.”  If we were playing Family Feud at Hilton Head Health, this would be the #1 answer on the board for “thoughts that interfere with your healthy eating and exercise.”  Although you, like many people, know that perfection is impossible, you may continue to strive for it.  You may wear yourself out, physically and mentally, trying to be perfect.  When you don’t meet your unrealistic expectations for your eating and physical activity, you may be very disappointed, feel like a failure, and wind up giving up. 

To challenge your perfectionism …

Give yourself permission to make mistakes.  Mistakes are a sign that you are human.  In most situations, making a mistake is not the end of the world. 

Ask yourself “what’s the worst thing that could happen if I weren’t perfect in this situation?”  Then ask “How terrible would that really be?” 

Aim for excellence, not perfection.  Performing tasks well is important.  In some cases, a task may only need to be done “well enough.”  I used to re-load the dishwasher because I could fit more dishes in than my room mate.  I wasted hours on a task that didn’t require anything near perfection.  To make time for your healthy eating and physical activity, something has to give. 

If you strove for excellence instead of perfection, and if you accepted that sometimes “good enough” really IS good enough, how would your life be better?

Take Care of Unfinished Business

With spring on the horizon, my thoughts (but so far, only my thoughts!) have turned to spring cleaning.  My closet is overflowing with clothes and shoes I no longer wear, and I still have books and “Important Papers” in boxes, three years after moving into my house.  The organizational experts claim that a cluttered house is a sign of a cluttered mind.  If that’s really the case, I’m in trouble!  Now is the time to start tackling some of my clutter, one pile or box at a time.  If you want some help getting organized, check out www.flylady.net, recommended by an H3 guest. 

Perhaps even more disruptive than physical clutter is mental clutter—an overload of ideas, issues to consider, threats to worry about.  With mental clutter, you have too much on your mind.  Mental clutter can sap your energy and make it difficult to focus on taking care of yourself.  To reduce this clutter, take care of any unfinished business in your life.  Deal with it one way or another.  Either take care of it, or forget about it.  Make a decision. 

My house, that’s for sale, has a buckling hard wood floor.  For the past two months I’ve been trying to decide whether to repair the floor or carpet over it.  The repair quote—which I received last week--took a month, so I’ve been in limbo.  Meanwhile, I’ve had those darn floors taking up precious mental space.  Time to make a decision and take action!  Taking action usually feels better than being stuck. 

To free up your energy, deal with that project you’ve been avoiding, or make that decision you’ve been putting off.  Schedule that doctor’s appointment or take care of that little rattling noise in your car.  Or decide to let something go.  Perhaps those books can stay in boxes a little longer…

Do What You Love

As February (Heart Health Month) draws to a close, I wanted to write about something heart-related.  In my last blog post about boosting emotional energy, I encouraged you to do something fun.  I’m embarrassed to admit that I haven’t been doing too well with that goal lately.  It’s harder than it sounds. 

Another emotional energy booster involves doing something you love to do.  When you’re doing something you’re passionate about, you gain energy, time passes quickly, and the activity seems easy—almost effortless, sometimes.  I consider myself blessed to be doing what I love to do, both at work and in my animal rescue volunteer work. 

Sometimes the “shoulds” get in the way of doing what you love to do.  Recently I was talking with an H3 guest about her fitness activities during her stay.  She was planning to go to a particular fitness class that day, although she really hadn’t enjoyed it the day before.  She felt that she “should” take that class because she would burn a lot of calories.  When I asked her what she wanted to do that day, she immediately said she wanted to spend the day in the pool and riding her bike.  Her whole face lit up and her energy level was visibly higher.  When you are doing something you love, you will look forward to it and be more likely to stick with it over the long haul.  Isn’t that really your goal? 

If your “shoulds” tend to get in your way, ask yourself “What do I want to do today?”  Be sure to ask whether that activity will help you reach your goals.  If your answer is “I want to lie on the couch all day and eat bon bons,” those behaviors probably won’t help you reach your healthy lifestyle goals.  Perhaps a better question is “what do I want to do today that will help me take good care of myself?”  Your answer may involve physical activity, or it may involve a little rest or fun/play.  I hope you will spend the rest of Heart Health Month doing something you love.

Feel Like You're Running On Empty?

On January first, I stepped down as volunteer Rescue Coordinator (RC) for a high-kill animal shelter to pursue other volunteer opportunities.  I trained my replacement and was actively supervising her during the transition.  Three weeks later, the new RC resigned with no notice, leaving me to pick up the pieces and go back to the 7-days-a-week grind and stress.  This past week it hit me how exhausted I’ve been lately, how truly burned out.  I’m suffering from emotional fatigue – running on empty. 

If you too are running on empty, please join me in a quest for emotional energy—an aliveness of the mind, a happiness of the heart, and a spirit filled with hope.  When your emotional energy level is high, you may be less likely to turn to food—something that won’t solve the problem—because you feel drained.  To increase your emotional energy, try some of the boosters described in Mira Kirshenbaum’s book The Emotional Energy Factor.  Here are a few boosters that I’ll be working on:

Do Less.  Instead of taking on too many projects, responsibilities, and social engagements, just say “No!”   Practice saying “No” at least once each week.  When you have limited time and emotional energy, do you really want to spend them doing something you really don’t want to do?  No!  See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? 

Try Something New.  Are you bored with the same old routine, day in, day out?  If so, it’s time to shake things up.  If you wouldn’t ordinarily do something, it’s new enough for you.  Sign up for a new fitness class.  Try a new exotic fruit.  Take a different route home from work.  Change your lipstick color.  Listen to a different radio station. 

Have More Fun.  When was the last time you played?  Laughed?  Had a date with your spouse?  If you can’t remember, you’re probably due for some fun.  Try being a little less serious—at work and at home.  “Lighten up” a little.  I try to get people laughing when I’m teaching my Stress Eating class.  Yes, this is a serious topic, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun and joke a little to ease the pressure.  What could you do to add more fun to your life?

Appreciate the Positives

In this brand new year, how about resolving to be kinder to your body? 

Many people treat their body like their enemy.  They are unhappy with how their body looks and how it performs, and they may blame their body for some (or much) of their unhappiness.  People often realize, looking back, that they were dissatisfied with their body even when they were 25 or 50 lbs lighter. 

To be kinder to your body, focus on the gifts your body has given you, not just the negatives.  We often forget about and/or take for granted all the wonderful things our body does for us.  Our body keeps on running, even when we don’t give it enough/proper fuel (sleep and/or good nutrition).  We don’t expect our cars to run on empty, yet we assume that our body will keep going even when it’s dangerously low on fuel. 

Think about what your body allows you to do.  For example, my body lets me walk and control (well, mostly!) my two big dogs (who outweigh me), even when they’re itching to chase a squirrel or deer.  How cool is that?

What has your body done for you lately?  Perhaps your body has …

• Taken you to the top of a hill


• Gotten stronger


• Stayed awake so you could drive home safely


• Learned a new physical skill


• Created a human being


• Fought off an infection


• Rewarded you with the sight of a beautiful rainbow or sunset


• Kept going, despite being in pain


• Given you the sound of children laughing


• Allowed you to enjoy the exquisite touch of another person

When you start criticizing your body (“I hate my thighs,” “I’m not as fit as I used to be”), please try to think of two positives for every negative.  If you appreciated your body and treated it like your friend—not your enemy—what would you do differently??

Care-giver Burnout

During the month of October, we are celebrating Women's Health Month.  In addition to our Healthy Lifestyle™ program, we have extra sessions focused on breast cancer, menopause, body image and other topics related to women’s health.  Each Monday, H3 Daily will have a featured Women's Health post covering one of the mentioned topics. 

Are you so busy taking care of others that you don’t have enough time and energy left to take care of yourself?  If so, it’s time to move yourself higher up your own priority list.  A recent H3 guest mentioned this well-known verse:  Love your neighbor as yourself.  She pointed out that we often forget what that really means.  You’re supposed to treat other people as well as you treat yourself.  However, many women wouldn’t dream of treating other people as poorly as they treat themselves.  If this is true for you, you deserve better!  You deserve to take time to eat healthfully, exercise regularly, relax, and do things you enjoy. 

“But it would be selfish to focus on myself.”  Think about what happens when you don’t take care of yourself.  You may wind up gaining weight, getting sick, feeling resentful, being miserable, and burning out.  If you don’t take care of yourself, eventually you won’t be able to take care of anyone else.  Remember the flight attendant’s words of wisdom:  “In the event of loss of cabin pressure, put your own oxygen mask on first, then assist others.”  Remind yourself that it is not only ok to take care of yourself—it is essential.  Instead of thinking of your actions as selfish, try to think in terms of “self-care” or “self-preservation.”  During Women’s Health month, put your own mask on first!

Ask the Expert: Dealing with Unsupportive Friends & Family

 Q:   I’ve recently started making changes to my lifestyle to become a healthier person.  Unfortunately, I’m finding that one of my closest friends doesn’t seem to be supportive (or as supportive as I’d like).  She hasn’t come out and clearly stated this- though through her actions I can tell she does not approve.  How can I talk to her without losing her as a friend?

 

A:  Beth Leermakers, H3 Wellness Counselor:

Friends or loved ones who don’t support your healthy lifestyle behaviors—by being the “food police” or bringing tempting foods into your home—can interfere with your progress.  Your loved ones may be trying to help you (but don’t know how), or they may be unaware of how damaging their words and actions are.  To address these unsupportive behaviors, try using “I” statements that focus on your feelings, explain how another person’s behavior affects you, and asks for change. 

 

Here’s the format:

I feel (specific emotion:  angry, frustrated, annoyed, sad) when (describe the specific behavior that upsets you, in objective terms) because (explain why the other person’s behavior bothers you) and I want (describe specifically what you want the other person to do differently in the future).

 

For example:

I feel angry when you comment on my food choices and tell me I’m not supposed to eat something because I feel like you’re trying to control me and you don’t trust me to make the right choices.  And I want you to please let me make my own food choices.  I know how to follow a healthy eating plan, and occasional treats can be a part of my plan. 

 

When someone really wants to help you but doesn’t know how, think of specific ways for that person to help you.  For example, you might say “I appreciate your desire to help me.  You could really help me by choosing/suggesting restaurants that have healthier options on the menu, or by cooking a healthy meal once a week.” 

 

It's hard to recreate an environment as supportive as Hilton Head Health - but don't worry - you can stay connected with our staff and other guests via our Facebook page.  Look up a friend near you, post to the discussion board or connect with us on the wall.   A healthy lifestyle is a journey - and you are not traveling alone!