Coaching Corner: Clearing House - What makes you RARE?

This month our H3@Home members are working on a month long Coaches’ Challenge that involves letting go of two things each week that may be impeding progress within their lives. We’ve encouraged removal of things such as household clutter, toxic relationships, stress and other negative habits, perspectives and attitudes. What’s important to note here is that we aren’t focusing on creating a tangible healthy habit, but it’s more about taking things out of our lives so that these healthy habits become possible.

Many of us get in this thinking of more is better and we’re all guilty of trying to add, add, add to the routine. News flash: more typically isn’t better. The issue here is that a lot of the time the only way to actually move forward lies in the removal of something holding us back and our assertiveness to do so.

From a personal standpoint, I’ve been in spots where I’ve tried to bite off more than I can chew. I’ve said yes when the clear cut answer should have been no. I’ve been in a relationship where the benefit wasn’t mutual. I’ve taken on more than is capable within a given timeframe and even gone so far to put others before my own well-being. We’ve all been there right? Those of us who can recognize when these times or symptoms come about are what separate individuals in control of their wellness from the out-of-control person.

Personal responsibility and the awareness to recognize the things we can and can’t control are critical to ultimate well-being. This world continues to get busier and busier. Cell phones, iPADs the instant gratification and sensory material, plus the responsibilities we have around us can be overwhelming. Do you think your life would be different if you never had kids? What would you notice about your day if you weren’t able to text message or check email? I’m not saying don’t pick up your kids from school or text message, but what I am saying is weigh the pros and cons of the “RARE” things within your life. This is how I define what’s RARE:

1)      Responsibilities

-What things would you continue doing even if it killed you? (In a good way) Think about the responsibilities within your life that you feel good about. The ones that benefit you and your family’s well-being.

2)      Assets

-What possessions do you own that allow you to live your life? What necessities? Anything else that doesn’t impact your happiness directly should be removed. Clutter is no good.

3)      Relationships

- Who are the people that make you smile? Who is it that you can rely on at any given moment? Brainstorm the relationships that are mutually beneficial. To simplify it, the relationships that make you a better a person.

4)      Emotions

- What thoughts and feelings allow you to thrive? What emotions do you call on during the toughest of days? Any emotions that impact you negatively, time to remove.

Given the above, what do you need to clear house of? What makes you RARE?

Coaching Corner: Life Wheel

There is a certain rhythm to life. There are ups and downs, times when we feel pulled in one direction or the other. Think about the gravitational force of the moon. As the moon orbits around Earth, the gravitational pull influences and changes the tides. The same can be seen within our lives. All of the situations, people and events within our lives pull us in many different directions and like the tides we can be high is some areas and lower in others.
Healthy balance of life and activities is something that many of us seek out but have found to be elusive. Sometimes we can control the things that draw us out of center, other times we cannot. But we can be mindful of the imbalances within our lives and develop strategies to addresses the sources of pull.
Below is an activity I call the Life Wheel. It is circular diagram with 7 domains. These 7 domains offer a visual representation of our lives and the balance of influences and strengths that we have in this moment.
On a scale of 1-10, rate how you are doing in each one of these domains currently. A rating of 1 indicates that you are completely out of balance in this one domain, a rating of 10 indicated that this area is under control and you are confident in your efforts. Draw a line where you fall on that 1-10 scale for each area. You will find that the line will be bumpy, it will not be in the same area for each domain, and that’s alright! This exercise is designed to raise awareness on what areas we may require some attention and concentrated efforts. Try it out; see what the balance in our life looks like!



[caption id="attachment_7798" align="alignleft" width="420" caption="Life Wheel Example"][/caption]

Letting Go

As many of you already know, I have been patiently waiting for my house in Columbia, SC to sell so my children and I can get our own place on the island. At least, I thought I was being patient. 

I think it's important to know that my house is adorable -- any buyer would be lucky to own it, thus I was certain it would sell in a matter of weeks. I clung to this dysfunctional optimism despite many negative reassurances from anyone and everyone that the idea of my house selling quickly was laughable. Okay, they didn't come right out and laugh, but their knowing grins were just as irritating.

My house remained on the market month after month and my frustration grew, mostly because I couldn't reconcile my expectations with the reality. My house was supposed to sell quickly. I was supposed to get close to the asking price. None of that was happening and the kids and I are still living with my parents.

In my "Letting Go" lecture last week I heard myself saying that "An expectation is a premeditated resentment." Soon after, I realized that my expectations about when and how my house should sell were creating just such resentments. Each month that my house remained on the market my resentments grew.

The notion that expectations are future resentments is applicable to so many aspects of life. How often do we harbor resentments because people don't do or behave just as we expect? How often do we allow resentments or frustrations from vacations or events that didn't go exactly as we planned to steal all possible enjoyment?  Expectations are often elusive attempts at control. Not until we let go of our need for control can we allow the universe to do its magic which results in a wonderful byproduct, serenity.

Letting go is part of the realization that we can’t control others, and to some extent, outcomes. Letting go is the belief that things are exactly how they should be regardless of whether or not it’s what we wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I realize that last sentence sounds a little too simple and that letting go is not a passive endeavor but rather an active choice – one that can be very difficult to make. However, what a great choice…cling to your rigid expectations and live in caustic resentment or give up your expectations and see where life takes you with fascination and curiosity?

With this reminder, I visited my home in Columbia and had my own little letting go ceremony. I reflected on many joyous memories the house has afforded me through the years -- Gabrielle grinning from ear to ear with outstretched arms for me to lift her from her crib; Delany laughing hysterically when I sang the lollipop song; Raucous parties with dear friends, and many more. I was filled with gratitude which transformed my expectations and resulting resentment into a desire for the house to make it into the hands of just the right family, no matter how long that took.

And guess what happened...the universe did its magic two weeks later. My house is under contract! Ah, the joy of letting go.

Big Or Small

Every day we are faced with making decisions.  What will I have for dinner?  Should I get up to exercise in the morning or try and fit it in after work?  What preschool should I send my children to?  Am I saving enough for retirement?  Should I get that preventive diagnostic test – what if they find something wrong with me?  Whether it is a financial commitment, a change in your career, committing to the love of your life, or simply an apple or a Snicker’s bar at snack time…we are constantly facing the need to make a decision about something.

Sometimes this seems overwhelming.  I know I drive my friends and family crazy with the dreaded “what do you want for dinner?” question.  Unless I’m truly craving something, I have a hard time being the one to make the decision because I don’t want to pick something the other person doesn’t really want.  You can imagine if I have trouble with this small question, the anxiety some of the larger decisions cause! 

That’s why I like to ask myself this one simple question – “Is it Big or Small?”  I think it really helps me in two ways: 1) if the answer is small, then it reminds me there is no real harm in making the decision and moving forward either way, and 2) if the answer is big, I work to bring my mind out of the emotion of the decision and try to get a clearer view of the facts, weigh the pros and cons, and make the decision from that mindset rather than the emotional scrambled thoughts that tend to rise so naturally.

So whatever decision you are facing today, just ask yourself, is it Big or Small?  Then go from there… and go with passion, confidence and energy… because if you don’t, you truly will not be able to tell if you made the right decision or not because your heart’s not in it.  Wishing you all the best in your Big and Small decisions!

Take Care of Unfinished Business

With spring on the horizon, my thoughts (but so far, only my thoughts!) have turned to spring cleaning.  My closet is overflowing with clothes and shoes I no longer wear, and I still have books and “Important Papers” in boxes, three years after moving into my house.  The organizational experts claim that a cluttered house is a sign of a cluttered mind.  If that’s really the case, I’m in trouble!  Now is the time to start tackling some of my clutter, one pile or box at a time.  If you want some help getting organized, check out www.flylady.net, recommended by an H3 guest. 

Perhaps even more disruptive than physical clutter is mental clutter—an overload of ideas, issues to consider, threats to worry about.  With mental clutter, you have too much on your mind.  Mental clutter can sap your energy and make it difficult to focus on taking care of yourself.  To reduce this clutter, take care of any unfinished business in your life.  Deal with it one way or another.  Either take care of it, or forget about it.  Make a decision. 

My house, that’s for sale, has a buckling hard wood floor.  For the past two months I’ve been trying to decide whether to repair the floor or carpet over it.  The repair quote—which I received last week--took a month, so I’ve been in limbo.  Meanwhile, I’ve had those darn floors taking up precious mental space.  Time to make a decision and take action!  Taking action usually feels better than being stuck. 

To free up your energy, deal with that project you’ve been avoiding, or make that decision you’ve been putting off.  Schedule that doctor’s appointment or take care of that little rattling noise in your car.  Or decide to let something go.  Perhaps those books can stay in boxes a little longer…

H3 Daily to the Holiday Rescue!

Yesterday’s Holiday Survival Guide blog gave you tips on how to maintain your sanity, and weight, but I thought I would point out just a few items on this very website that may be of extra help during the holidays.  Check them out…and pass them on to your friends and family!

• Pressed for time during the holidays?  Fulfill your cardio and strength training requirements at once with our Quick and Easy: Full Body 30 Minute Routine!


• Traveling or simply don’t have access to a gym?  No excuses with our No Equipment Required: Travel Routine.  You can do this workout anywhere – on the go or even in your own home!


• Organize and prioritize your time with our Daily and Weekly Task Manager journals.  Schedule in a workout, as well as time to de-stress with a fun or relaxing activity!


• R-E-L-A-X and take a quick break from the everyday pressures and chaos with a few relaxation techniques. 


• Enjoy your favorite recipes with healthy alternatives.  Check back later this week for a Holiday Recipe special – including a Southern favorite – Pecan Pie!


• Set H3 Daily as your homepage so that every time you log-on to check your email – you will have a daily nutrition article, stress tip, recipe or fitness routine waiting for you!


• If all else fails, remember you can email or call our program staff at ANY TIME!  We are here to help!