The Secret to Everyday Happiness

The Secret to Happiness

In honor of the International Day of Happiness, I thought I would share my much coveted secret to happiness. You see, I am undoubtedly one of the happiest people I know. The only possible exception is my Hilton Head Health trainer, David Chesworth. He may match my happiness but his propensity to exceed it is just dysfunctional if you ask me.



It may sound rather braggadocios in declaring my superior happiness but the great thing about being happy is that you don’t let naysayers steal your happiness with jealousy or judgments. Happiness is a gift that should be protected with fierce conviction. It is a virtual force-field that shields you from the dark-side – the happiness thieves.

A much dismissed fact about happiness is that it’s a choice. Hearing that syrupy saying, “See the glass as half full instead of half empty” can cause an involuntary twitch. However, the deeper meaning behind that trite adage is that happiness is almost always an option. Most moments and life events give us an opportunity to choose a perspective that leads to happiness and optimism. Let’s test this theory. When you wake up this Friday make the decision to BE happy. Set your sights on happiness. Later that day take a moment to reflect on your success. I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that at day’s end you will still be happy.

Inherent in most decisions we make is the end-goal of more happiness. We choose a certain job because we think it will make us happy. We choose a home or hometown because we think living there will make us happy. We choose a companion because we believe being with them will make us happy. We exercise and eat nutritiously because we believe doing so will lead to being healthier, and well, happier. In other words, we put a great deal of work into securing our happiness. We invest a lot of our time, money and effort in the pursuit of happiness. Want to know a secret? I’ve discovered a great short cut.

I’ve discovered a back-road, or alleyway, that gets you to happiness lickety-split. It takes hardly any time, costs nothing, and is super easy. My secret to cost-effective, effortless happiness is gratitude. Not just normal, run-of-the-mill gratitude but rather purposeful, decisive cultivation of gratitude. Gratitude is the force behind the happiness force field.

Some might say that happiness and gratitude are inseparable. Although there is truth in that conclusion, there are times when happiness feels illusive. Gratitude, on the other hand, is always available to you. All we have to do is look inward, recalling some of our most joyful memories. Acknowledging the people that have brought great love and learning to our life. All we have to do is take a single moment to reflect on some of our many blessings, most of which we take for granted.

Happiness doesn’t really have to be achieved. It just needs to be relived and we do that by counting our blessings. Our blessings are abundant…fresh fruit, clean drinking water, community, a puppy kiss, fragrant breezes, belly laughs, a helpful friend, a good night sleep and the list goes on and on.

The secret to my happiness can be summarized in one sentence: Happiness is a choice that begins by cultivating gratitude. When we experience gratitude happiness rises to the surface of our hearts and in that moment we are abundant.

Practicing Happiness

It has been said that happiness is a state of mind. However, we have to allow our minds to choose happiness. We can try and do that by using a purely cognitive process, but very often it becomes virtually impossible to fix what is in our head with what is in our head. In other words, changing our behaviors can be equally impactful with creating our happiness as changing our thoughts. We can act ourselves into happiness. According to Chiara Fucarino of the self-improvement website, Positive Way, these are few things that happy people tend to do:

1.    They Don’t hold grudges.

Remember, harboring resentments is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress.

2. Treat everyone with kindness.

Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges.

The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have.

There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

5. Dream big.

People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

7. Speak well of others.

Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

9. Get absorbed into the present.

Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

10. Wake up at the same time every morning.

Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

11. Avoid social comparison.

Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely.

Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

13. Never seek approval from others.

Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen.

Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships.

A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate.

Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well.

Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

18. Exercise.

Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

19. Live minimally.

Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

20. Tell the truth.

Lying stresses you out, corrodes your self-esteem, and makes you unlikeable. The truth will set you free. Being honest improves your mental health and builds others’ trust in you. Always be truthful, and never apologize for it.

21. Establish personal control.

Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed.

Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

10 Tips for Beating the Winter Blues

My nine-year-old daughter, Delany, said to me this weekend, “Mommy, I wish winter were over.” Although living in Hilton Head doesn’t really provide a good reason to dislike winter, I agree with Delany. It’s not the cold that is becoming tiresome as much as it is the overcast skies, copious rain, and long, dark days.

About this time last year I wrote a blog on Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is characterized by the development of a mild depression, or worsening depression, related to changes in the seasons. It is primarily associated with the winter months because of the decrease in exposure to sunlight. However, you don’t need a diagnosable depression to experience the winter blues.

As Delany expressed her wish I heard her speaking my truth…I have the winter blues. Bummer. Not one to slide easily into gloominess, I quickly searched the internet for strategies and tips that help do away with winter doldrums. Here are a few that sound promising:

1. Change your light bulbs! Florescent compact bulbs can actually change the levels of melatonin in your brain, inhibiting depression. You might also try full spectrum light bulbs like Blues Buster bulbs, which produce a light similar to natural sunlight and cost about $7 a bulb.


2. Peppermint oil can help with sadness and depression by giving you a surge of energy. Keep some in your pocket or purse and take a whiff from time to time. Ahhhhhh!


3. Laugh more! Laughter has shown to both improve depressed mood as well as produce resiliency against stress. When was the last time you purposively set out to make yourself laugh?


4. Spice things up! Chili peppers contain capsaicin which has been shown to boosts energy and can enhance circulation.


5. Fresh flowers. Fragrant flowers let a bit of spring into you house or office. They also offer a burst of color which can improve your mood.


6. Let the sunshine in! Keep the shades open and flood your home with sunlight.


7. Massage it out. If you were looking for an excuse to book a massage, look no further. Massage can be as effective in treating depression as talk therapy. Massage decreases stress hormones while increasing serotonin levels.


8. Have an extra cup of Joe. Good news for coffee drinkers: a recent analysisof data from the Nurses' Health Study found that women who drank more than four cups of coffee a day had a 20% lower risk of depression than women who drank less. Starbucks here I come!


9. Warm the Sole. Heated insoles from ThermaCELL are designed to help keep your toes warm and make outdoor activities more enjoyable on cold winter days. A wireless remote-control allows you to adjust the heat to a desired temperature. Now that will put a spring in your step.


10. Last, but not least…EXERCISE! In addition to the myriad of physical benefits, exercise reduces stress, wards off anxiety and feelings of depression, boosts self-esteem and improves sleep. Exercise alone can be the antidote to the winter blues!

The Invisible Kindness Challenge

A friend recently posted the attached YouTube video on her Facebook page. Besides making me happy and filling me with joy, the video got me thinking. What do I do to enhance other’s lives without the need for any recognition or validation? How do I express my love and support for others with no need for reciprocation?

These are important questions to ask ourselves because their answer indicates how well we feed our spirit. Unrecognized gestures of kindness and good are really the demonstrative quality in the expression of personal gratitude. When we do, give, or support others for no other reason than we can, or the opportunity has presented itself, then our truest nature as unconditionally loving beings becomes nurtured. That true nature, and its twin gratitude, is the sustenance of our souls.

If you don’t believe me, or have no idea what I’m talking about, then take the Invisible Kindness Challenge. Here is how it works:

Step 1: On a scale from 1-5, with 1 being equal to little and 5 being equal to a great deal, rate the following

• Your level of overall serenity today


• Your level of overall happiness today


• Your present feelings of gratitude

Step 2: Commit to doing one random act of kindness every day for seven consecutive days. Each act must be done anonymously and must differ from kind gestures you’ve done frequently in the past. The gesture can be small or grandiose in nature. It’s up to you, and the benefits won’t change with the degree of generosity.

Step 3: Repeat step one on the eighth day.

I can guarantee you that the simple act of giving and supporting others just once a day for a week will increase your overall serenity, happiness, and gratitude…the seat of your soul. Are you ready to take the challenge?

Are you sabotaging your happiness?

Happy Tuesday H3 blog enthusiasts! Today I came across this quote and couldn’t help myself… I had to share. I believe the quote itself speaks to the majority. The profound message speaks volumes in its simplicity. Overall happiness, as you and I both know, plays a huge role in our wellness journey. Seemingly, if we are intrinsically happy, we are more likely to engage in smarter, healthier activities. The smarter the choices, the kinder, and more compassionate energy we feed our bodies and minds. So why do we, more often then not, tend to struggle with this tiny little thing called “happiness”?

I can relate the struggle to something more ordinary. Perhaps it’s the little birdie that sits on your shoulder encouraging you to sleep in a little longer, to not get up and go to the gym as planned. Or maybe the birdie that tells you it is okay to devour that enormous cupcake as you are celebrating a milestone, a birthday, anniversary, or maybe just the sun coming out on a rainy day. Hmm…sound familiar? We can always talk ourselves into excuses as to why we cannot do or stick to some sort of healthful regiment. Why not talk ourselves into being happy? Why is it so difficult to shift the focus on happiness? Is it really that challenging to eliminate expectations and find positive in the negative? Yet again, if we are happy we tend to be feeding our body and minds with happy, healthy things. So, why not make gratitude your new attitude and embrace the changes it makes on your health? This Tuesday, I challenge you to start a gratitude journal. Start simple. Write one thing you are grateful for- or one negative thought redecorated into a positive.

 If your intentions are to seek greatness, then thou shall find greatness. Follow your yearning. It is then that you may find yourself shaping a life that is in sync with your soul intentions- a life filled with much happiness and health.

Coaching Corner: Clearing House - What makes you RARE?

This month our H3@Home members are working on a month long Coaches’ Challenge that involves letting go of two things each week that may be impeding progress within their lives. We’ve encouraged removal of things such as household clutter, toxic relationships, stress and other negative habits, perspectives and attitudes. What’s important to note here is that we aren’t focusing on creating a tangible healthy habit, but it’s more about taking things out of our lives so that these healthy habits become possible.

Many of us get in this thinking of more is better and we’re all guilty of trying to add, add, add to the routine. News flash: more typically isn’t better. The issue here is that a lot of the time the only way to actually move forward lies in the removal of something holding us back and our assertiveness to do so.

From a personal standpoint, I’ve been in spots where I’ve tried to bite off more than I can chew. I’ve said yes when the clear cut answer should have been no. I’ve been in a relationship where the benefit wasn’t mutual. I’ve taken on more than is capable within a given timeframe and even gone so far to put others before my own well-being. We’ve all been there right? Those of us who can recognize when these times or symptoms come about are what separate individuals in control of their wellness from the out-of-control person.

Personal responsibility and the awareness to recognize the things we can and can’t control are critical to ultimate well-being. This world continues to get busier and busier. Cell phones, iPADs the instant gratification and sensory material, plus the responsibilities we have around us can be overwhelming. Do you think your life would be different if you never had kids? What would you notice about your day if you weren’t able to text message or check email? I’m not saying don’t pick up your kids from school or text message, but what I am saying is weigh the pros and cons of the “RARE” things within your life. This is how I define what’s RARE:

1)      Responsibilities

-What things would you continue doing even if it killed you? (In a good way) Think about the responsibilities within your life that you feel good about. The ones that benefit you and your family’s well-being.

2)      Assets

-What possessions do you own that allow you to live your life? What necessities? Anything else that doesn’t impact your happiness directly should be removed. Clutter is no good.

3)      Relationships

- Who are the people that make you smile? Who is it that you can rely on at any given moment? Brainstorm the relationships that are mutually beneficial. To simplify it, the relationships that make you a better a person.

4)      Emotions

- What thoughts and feelings allow you to thrive? What emotions do you call on during the toughest of days? Any emotions that impact you negatively, time to remove.

Given the above, what do you need to clear house of? What makes you RARE?

Is Your Heart Happy?

Could happiness lead to a happy heart? A study by the Harvard School of Public Health revealed that older men with a more optimistic outlook had a reduced risk of coronary heart disease, in essence reducing their risk of a heart attack or stroke.

Although the study suggests optimism may reduce your risk of heart diseases even if you had poor health habits in the past, those who reported having a greater sense of well-being or a healthier lifestyle tend to be more optimistic.

So, now the question is how do you create optimism? Well, here are a few tips on how to grow happiness:

• Balance is key. It’s important to challenge yourself but as best you can, try not to overload your plate. Spend time your loved ones when you can and don’t take anything for granted.


• Just as Lisette always says, live in each moment. We are taught to always work a little harder and to strive for a little more but being present and happy with where we are is just as important.


• Live healthy. When your body is well-rested, strong and fueled with the right foods, you feel more alert and ready to take on the day. Simply starting your day with a nutritious breakfast can make all the difference.

You may also want to read these posts on happiness:

The Health Benefits of Gratidute

Focus

When It's Time to Reboot

Don't Let Time Pass You By

Coaching Corner: Are You Thriving?

Yesterday, I was sent a copy of the book, “Organize your Mind, Organize your Life” co-authored by Margaret Moore (Coach Meg), the leader of ACSM’s WellCoaches Program and Certification. I am very excited to delve into the first Chapter this weekend because, to the simplest effect, Coach Meg knows how to provide perspective. I truly enjoy reading books that provide perspective on self-improvement and novels that provide insights on creating change within my life. I’m honestly not one of those readers that can go fiction because I believe we only have so many hours and years to become our best selves. Also, I believe that we all exhibit such potential in what we can get out of our lives and that when we start to lose sight of that and get complacent with our status, we aren’t truly living.

Along those lines, would you say that you’re currently thriving in your life? Do you know the difference between thriving and happiness? Like happiness, it’s different for each and every one of us, but I believe thriving is more distinct and powerful. As Coach Meg describes it in the video below, thriving is life with a deeper living. For me, thriving has richer meaning from the standpoint that I am getting the most out of my life, my strengths and my capabilities. It’s pushing the limits, doing things that I didn’t even think were possible and inspiring others to create change.


After watching Meg’s clip, post your top three values that allow you to thrive! What sets you on fire? What are your driving forces? What lights up your eyes?

Thriving Jeff…

#1: Making a difference in the lives of others.

#2: Inspiring thru strength, health, and fitness milestones.

#3: Connecting socially and mentally with who I truly am.

Check out my personal blog for more detail on these thrive attributes…